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This is the column where we can share our collective wisdom and learn from one another. Over time, this will blossom into a community bulletin board of trusted advice from YOU — with edits and suggestions from me along the way.
Caring for people is a team sport!
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A few months ago I wrote a piece about the importance of social connection.
The best part? Your replies!
Readers from near and far wrote me back with practical advice and heart-warming anecdotes about the importance of human connection. Three of them are below, published with permission and with light edits for clarity.
Today’s HEALTH HUDDLE is about the POWER of HUMAN CONNECTION.
ON FRIENDSHIP
Earlier this year a friend from high school reached out to me on social media. I hadn’t seen her since we graduated in 1975. She was organizing our class reunion and asked me if I could help out with some of the logistics. We got talking and she told me she’d just had breast cancer. It occurred to me that I hadn’t had my mammogram, having put it off during the pandemic. So I went and had it and found out I had stage 1 breast cancer. I am doing alright. I have reconnected with my friend and now we talk almost every day. She saved my life.
- PL from Facebook
ON RETIREMENT
Thank you for your column. I’ve shared it with our neighborhood phone list. Here is some advice I heard that has helped me stay connected during my retirement. Maybe others would benefit?
Establish a meaningful daily routine to replace the workaday routine. Structure is vital.
Keep in touch with former colleagues, always aware that you, not they, will be doing most of the work of remaining in touch — and it is a lot of work.
Find meaningful volunteer work and, once you have found the "perfect fit" with the right organization, stick with it despite ups and downs (like not being fully appreciated). Compassionate outreach nourishes the soul.
Find and develop a personal interest (I studiously avoid the word "hobby." Ugh!). If volunteer work is outreach, then indulging a strong personal interest, which could be golf or record collecting or taking up an academic interest (I have a friend and rising retiree in CO who wants to do a doctorate on the musical genius of Freddie Mercury of "Queen") qualifies as "inreach."
Spend time with young people (but one need not wait until retirement to do so, and anyway, one's volunteer work could focus on young people).
- RS in McLean, VA
ON GRIEF
My husband died in April. On top of the grief, I felt guilty for not seeing my friends. I started making up excuses for why I couldn’t go to lunch or play bridge. So they started calling me less and less. Who could blame them? But it hurt. So I decided to take my mother’s advice (even though I didn’t much care for her advice while she was alive): “Fake it till you make it.” I started saying yes to invitations. I challenged my worry about being a burden to other people. I remembered how much my friends support me. So I guess this is to say keep connecting even if it feels unnatural at first. It’s better than being alone.
- Louise in Takoma, WA
PROMPT FOR MY NEXT HEALTH HUDDLE POST: What is your best home remedy for colds and flus?
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Thank you, Dr. Lucy for all the information you have provided over these recent years. I hope this sharing will assist someone.
I grew up in a family that was not disclosing, uncomfortable with questions and even more uncomfortable with feelings. I was pretty lost as a young adult. I intended for many years, actually decades, to journal. I did not discipline myself to do so until 2019. The benefit has been significant. My relationships have deepened and been more honest and reciprocal. In journaling, everything is on the table — the good, the bad and the ugly — all in the service of understanding who I am now. Be honest without judgments — write, write, write. Use anything for a prompt, but bring it down to the personal level. Explore the how, what and why this reaches inside of you — be it the cacophony of crows, the soft rain of a grey day, a quote you read, or the birth of a new child. In a relatively short amount of time, you will see your patterns. Then, you can begin to influence the future you.
Hello there, Dr. Lucy.
I just discovered your page, and what a fantastic way to present. I read your previous posts and couldn't agree more about how covid caused people to scroll the internet incessantly throughout the day, causing a surge of dopamine in the brain. As a result, newsletters are the best way to connect and spread health-related information. I can't wait to explore your website and share the information with my friends. I am a medical student studying Child Psychology in Canada, and I decided to start writing newsletters with a similar idea to yours (Also because writing feels so therapeutic to me alongside studying medicine). Since I am new to Substack, I am attempting to build a community and empathise with the importance of Healthcare. It would mean the world to me if you could introduce my substack to your subscribers and spread the word about how important self-care is in preventing mental and physical burnout. I'm excited to build a community and explore more about your page. I look forward to learning more from you. I am definitely going to consider becoming a paid subscriber when I am capable of affording as I want to participate in your zoom calls session and learn more information on different topics.
I'm sending you and your family lots of love and wishing you a very happy new year. I look forward to hearing from you Lucy :)