How to Find the Right Doctor (& Get the Most Out of Your Appointment)

It's time for a spring tune-up 🌸

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I recently had a doctor’s appointment and was quickly reminded how UNPLEASANT it is to be a patient. The paperwork! The chilly exam room! The vulnerability of the unknown!

I couldn’t wait to get out of there.

But on the eve of springtime, it was time for a tune-up. When I left the appointment, I was glad to have taken time to care for myself. So, today’s post is about getting the most out of your visits with the doc. 

Finding a good doctor

It can be very difficult to find the right doctor: someone who ideally takes your insurance, is accepting new patients, and whose personality and practice style are the right fit.

The broken U.S. medical system has turned patient care into an impersonal exercise of box-checking and lawyer-dodging. It has imperiled patients. It has morally injured physicians. (I wrote an OpEd for The Hill last year about the primary care crisis.)

A growing number of physicians (like me) are opting out of the insurance system to offer direct primary care (DPC). Why? In order to take the time we need to care for patients.

Sadly, this has made it even more difficult to find doctors who participate in insurance and have room for new patients. My suggestion? If you can afford DPC, I’d do it—but only if the physician you’re signing up with practices evidence-based, patient-centered primary care. What do I mean? If the practice is selling you its own products, wellness gizmos, and promises of “anti-aging” or “regenerative” medicine, I’d run for the hills. These are marketing terms that typically signify a willingness to charge patients for unproven services. (Look, I believe in thinking outside the box, but there is still a box.)

If DPC isn’t in your budget, I suggest asking your friends and neighbors for suggestions for good primary care doctors. Check your local ListServ. Ask your dentist, veterinarian, and specialist doctors, “Who would you send your own family member to?” And here’s another tip: Don’t rely on online reviews of doctors. Remember that ANYONE with a keyboard can over-glorify or trash a doctor’s reputation with the click of a button! 

Next, given the importance of the patient-doctor relationship, I suggest you consider the following questions when you interview or meet your new doctor:

• Does this doctor engage in active listening? Clear communication lays the groundwork for trust. Next time you visit your doctor, check to make sure you’re being heard and understood. If your doctor interrupts you, makes assumptions about you, or doesn’t answer your questions directly, it may not be a good fit. 

• Does this doctor refer to medical evidence when making recommendations? A favorite expression from medical school: “In God we trust; everyone else must bring data.” I trust physicians whose recommendations are rooted in data, not anecdotal evidence or wishful thinking. Beware of any doctor who is selling “special products made just for you”! 👀

• Does this doctor refer to other clinicians (e.g., physical therapists, nutritionists, medical specialists) when needed? Make sure your doctor is humble enough to know what she knows and what she doesn’t know. Trust me—NO doctor knows everything. When do they make referrals? What do they see as their role in a complex illness or injury? The team your doctor puts together for you is as important as the primary care physician herself. 

Preparing for your visit 

• Carve out enough time for your visit. There’s nothing worse than feeling stressed out and rushed at an appointment for YOU. So, I suggest arriving early to appointments to have time to check in and enjoy the glossy magazines in the waiting room—not to mention so you can spend more time with your doctor and get your questions answered. Bonus idea: take the whole morning off from work if you can swing it. Turn your checkup into a block of time devoted to self-care (even if that means picking up a hearty lunch on the way back to work.)

• Make a list of all your concerns in advance of your appointment. Take stock of your health, head to toe, and write it all down. What screenings are you overdue for? What about immunizations? Are there any illnesses or issues in your family history that you are worried about? Any changes or symptoms in your own body that you have been ignoring? Then organize your least from most important to least.

• Snap photos. Pictures of your prescription medication bottles, vitamin/supplement shelf, and over-the-counter medicines, from antihistamines to Advil, are SUPER helpful for your doctor. (Photos are easier to interpret than reading your handwriting aloud.) Did you try an herbal remedy for sleep or better hair? Let us know. Also, bring snapshots of the rash you had last summer and the bruise you got from tripping over your dog’s leash. We can advise you much better about the risk for Lyme disease or clotting problems with images in hand! 

Getting the most out of your appointment 

Having your doctor understand you as a person is as important as their expertise and clinical judgment. Here is my advice on how to get the most out of your doctor’s appointments and build a trusting relationship with your doctor:

• Your doctor is not a moral authority. I am quick to remind patients: doctors are human, too. Sometimes doctors drink too much wine or skip their colonoscopies. The best way for your doctor to help you is to know the raw and honest truth. (And if your doctor is judging you, it may be time for a new one.)

• Your job is not to please, charm, or entertain your doctor. Of course, kindness toward your doctor is always welcome, but it’s not your job to dazzle or flatter us. Your doctor would rather get to the real issues than cut through your people-pleasing behaviors, as nice as they may seem! (And if your doctor uses your appointment to vent, over-share, or massage their own ego, you might consider a new one.)

• Don’t underestimate the power of kindness. It is not your job to worry about your doctor. That said, doctors have feelings, too. Simply acknowledging their work or saying thank you at the end of a visit can go a long way. 

• It’s Okay to Not Be Okay. We have seen it all. You don’t need to put on your best face for your doctor. In fact, allowing an authentic conversation about your physical and emotional health is why your doctor is there. (And if your doctor makes you feel bad for your imperfections, I’d make a change.)

• You are entitled to a follow-up appointment. It’s much better to get through 3-5 health concerns—and handle them thoroughly—than to rush through your entire list in a single sitting. Making a follow-up appointment—sometimes by telehealth—is a great way to make sure your questions have been answered. Remember that Rome wasn’t built in a day!

The upshot

If your doctor views you as a set of labs to check or a group of organs to maintain, find someone else. And remember: you cannot “win” your appointment. We aren’t keeping score. We understand that life happens. So instead of overpromising to your doctor, be realistic. We can help you most when you’re honest about the limitations of your actual life.

I hope this is helpful! If so, please share it widely and drop me a comment below! 

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Disclaimer: The views expressed here are entirely my own. They do not reflect those of my employer, nor are they a substitute for advice from your personal physician.