It’s Okay to Not Be Okay
It’s time to talk about you.
I’ve been craving this conversation — just you and me — for a long time. (For 29 months, to be exact!) I started this newsletter in the panicked spring of 2020, thinking I’d dispense some COVID advice then promptly move on to the subjects I’ve been yearning to yak about for a decade: the universality of mental health; the relevance of our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors to our physical health and medical outcomes; and how to be a little more OKAY than you are today (given that no one is truly “okay”).
So here we are, over two years later, most of us protected from serious COVID outcomes through vaccination, infection, or both — and with the CDC finally updating its guidance to meet the moment.
Now is the perfect moment to ask ourselves: What does it mean to be well?
This is the central question of our time as we navigate an unprecedented era of disease, misinformation, and medical vulnerability.
We were wired and tired well before COVID. The pandemic laid bare how very unwell we were—and how desperate we are for straight talk and trusted guides to shepherd us through hard times.
We are less healthy, heavier and more addicted to sugar, alcohol, and screens (among other things) than ever before. We scroll through social media for wellness memes and quick hits of Dopamine. We are irritable and sleepless and don’t know what’s wrong. Worse, we don’t even know who to talk to, who to trust, and whether or not the doctor is even in.
The pandemic has taken a toll on each of us. We need more than a vaccine and a vacation to be well. So even if we enjoyed some time off this summer, many of us are mourning the loss of less structured days. Some of us are bracing for a hectic back-to-school season. Others are worried about the uncertainties around COVID, monkeypox, our political situation, the economy, or fill-in-the-blank social distress.
We are not okay.
Getting healthier isn’t particularly sexy. It’s often not terribly fun. It usually isn’t quick and doesn’t involve a fix. In fact, taking stock of our stress, moods, behaviors, relationships — good and bad — can be quite hard.
So first we need access to our truth and the courage to face it. We need space to be vulnerable. We need a trusted medical guide.
Only then we can take a broader look at ourselves and redefine what it even means to be healthy.
Health is not just about cholesterol and weight. It’s more than our colonoscopy and COVID test. Health isn’t about the sum total of your test results at your check-up; it’s about the 364 days a year you’re not in the doctor’s office.
It’s about connecting the dots between our depression and diabetes, our anxiety and Alzheimer’s risk. It’s about gathering the tools we need to manage the health risks we inevitably face — from breast cancer and heart attacks to unhealthy eating habits and addiction. It’s about examining our relationship with food and not merely the content of what we eat. It’s about understanding the emotional triggers for binge drinking in addition to the quantity of booze. It’s about accepting unpleasant, fixed realities while working on the things we can control.
Health is about honesty with ourselves and the people around us. It’s about asking for help. It’s about adding structure and support where we need it the most.
So!
As the kids head back to class, I myself am taking stock of what I most need to be healthy, inside and out. (Hint: less screen time and an earlier bedtime, to start.)
I’m also preparing a back-to-school lesson plan for YOU. Over the next 6 weeks, I’ll discuss six common medical myths (think: “You Are What You Eat” and ”Prozac is a Crutch") — and the narratives that keep so many of us from getting healthy (i.e. “If I Take the Right Vitamins, I'll Be Healthy," “My Lab Tests are Normal; It Must Be My Fault if I Don't Feel Well,” or “I Will (Start Dieting/Quit Drinking/Delete that App on My Phone) Tomorrow" or “I Don't Need Therapy, I Have Great Friends.")
I'll break down everyday health problems I see in my office — from weight gain to insomnia — and review how our everyday mental health directly relates to how we feel, move, and behave in our bodies.
The bottom line: It’s okay to not be okay. We’ve been through a lot. So let’s crack open the notebooks, sharpen the pencils, and get back to the basics of health.
Dr. Susan Landers is living proof that caring for others starts with caring for ourselves.
After 20 years as a neonatologist (pediatric intensive care doctor), she began to feel unmotivated and exhausted. She was burned out. Raising children and caring for sick babies became unmanageable. So she rethought it all. Her memoir, “So Many Babies: My Life Balancing a Busy Medical Career & Motherhood” reminds us that behind the scenes of many professional women lies self-doubt and struggle — and that vulnerability is the birthplace of health.
In this episode, Dr. Landers and I discuss our shared experiences of juggling motherhood with medicine — and our thoughts on preventing burnout.
As always, my newsletter subscribers get early access to the pod every Monday night before the official Tuesday launch. Give it a listen now on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you find podcasts!
I will see you next week. Until then, be well.