Find your Song
MENTAL HEALTH UPDATE
Do you ever listen to a particular song, the volume turned up so loud, to allow yourself a good, hard, shoulder-shaking cry? Do you ever immerse yourself in music and lyrics and emotion because it hurts so good?
I do.
Right now—and for the last four years—my go-to song when I need a good cry is “Quiet Uptown” from the musical Hamilton. It works well. It’s like medicine. I highly recommend it.
This song is about the death of a child. It’s about “suffering too terrible to name,” “working through the unimaginable,” and “a grace too powerful to name.”
I listen to this song whenever I want to remember our dear young friend who died from suicide in May 2017. I have listened to this song every day this week to help process the losses Black families are feeling, particularly right now.
My son Henry graduated from high school yesterday. My internal process of celebrating his person, grieving the passage of time, and immersing myself in his essence resumes today—though it started the day he was born at Johns Hopkins Hospital in 2001.
My son is not dying. He is simply growing into a man that I love and admire so much that it sometimes hurts. He is someone I can’t imagine losing like other mothers have, particularly in the Black community, sometimes before they even reach the age of 18. I hurt for these mothers, too.
Last night I stayed up way too late in bed, my husband sound asleep by my side, looking through baby pictures of Henry on my laptop, alternating between laughter and tears—with “Quiet Uptown” vibrating (on repeat) in my earbuds.
Today my eyes are puffy and red, my ears are ringing, and I look like hell. But I’m better off for it. (My daughter just walked by me and said, “Mom, what’s your deal? Your face looks like you’ve been stung by a bee.”)
Today I encourage you to find your song. Turn it up loud. Feel your feelings. Don’t push them away. You won’t regret it. It’s good for your health.
P.S. Link to the song: https://bit.ly/3dHOMuM
P.P.S. This week I will discuss mental health as part of the human condition. I will review the common mental health issues that I see in my office every day—now and well before the pandemic—and how they inform medical outcomes. (Think: anxiety, depression, substance abuse, disordered eating, and trauma.) If you are a human being, this week is for you!