Dr. Lucy McBride sits down with award-winning journalist Jennifer Wallace, author of the New York Times bestseller Mattering: The Secret to a Life of Deep Connection and Purpose, to explore why feeling valued—and adding value—may be one of the most powerful and overlooked determinants of health. They discuss the physiology of mattering and what you can do today to feel more grounded in their own worth.
What Mattering Actually Means
Mattering is defined as feeling valued by family, friends, community, and society—and having the opportunity to add meaningful value back
After food and shelter, it is the motivation to matter that most drives human behavior
When people feel they matter, they contribute, engage, and show up pro-socially; when they don’t, they suffer and can act out in ways that harm themselves and their communities
Mattering isn’t simply a feel-good concept; it’s physiologically measurable and directly linked to behaviors, blood pressure, and chronic stress
The Body Keeps Score on Mattering
Feeling worthless or useless registers in the body as chronic stress, i.e., cortisol stays elevated and the nervous system does not feel safe
In a study of suicidal men, the two words most commonly used to describe their suffering were “useless” and “worthless”
The social proof that we matter—once delivered through neighbors, religious communities, and stable workplaces—has been quietly outsourced to the market, leaving a gap that Uber Eats and Amazon cannot fill
How Modern Life Is Eroding Our Sense of Mattering
Signals of mattering used to be embedded in daily life—neighbors relied on each other, communities were interdependent; that infrastructure is dissolving
The Dutch theologian Henri Nouwen’s three great lies—“I am what I have,” “I am what I do,” “I am what others think of me”—condition people to believe their worth is entirely conditional on external forces
Workplaces have broken the loyalty contract; social media algorithms reward outrage over connection; AI threatens to make human contribution feel obsolete
We’ve become less interdependent, and in losing that interdependence, we’ve lost one of the most reliable sources of feeling needed and valued
Mattering to Yourself First
One of the hardest lessons: you cannot sustainably matter to others if you don’t matter to yourself
A simple daily practice: while brushing your teeth each morning, ask what one small need you can meet for yourself
The cultural message—especially for women and caregivers—that prioritizing your own needs is selfish is precisely backwards; burnout serves no one
Sturdy adults need sturdy adults: surrounding yourself with even one or two people who remind you of your importance is a legitimate health intervention
Making Mattering Actionable
Researchers identify four core ingredients of mattering, organized by Jennifer as SAID: Significant, Appreciated, Invested in, Depended on
Feeling significant doesn’t come from life’s big moments; it comes from being remembered in the details, like a colleague checking in after a hard week
Appreciating the doer behind the deed—not just thanking someone for what they did, but naming who they are—feeds mattering more deeply than gratitude alone
A nightly practice: ask what one small need you filled today, one small way you added value, and one small way you felt valued—this works against the brain’s negativity bias and reinforces a sense of mattering over time
Upshot
The question isn't whether mattering affects your health — the research is unambiguous that it does. The question is whether you're tending to it with the same seriousness you bring to your labs.
📣 I’m starting an official Beyond the Prescription Book Club. We’ll get into the nitty gritty of health and wellness and what it all means for YOU. It’s open exclusively to Substack readers and gives you early access to the book. Sign-ups are open in May only.
