Mental Health is Health: Part II 🧠

What to do when your mental health is faltering

ICYMI 👉

• Mental Health is Health: Part I

• Why Taylor Swift is Good for Your Health

• Five Tricks for Aging Gracefully

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My recent post about mental health got a lot of eyeballs. I think I know why.

First, we all have mental health. No one is exempt from experiencing stress, anxiety, mood issues, addiction, grief, burnout, and/or relationship problems at some point in their lives. Second, many of us are struggling in some way. Mental health affects our everyday experiences. It affects our physical health.

Last, many of us don’t always know when to worry about our mental health—and what to do about it. We might ask ourselves, “Am I mentally struggling? Or is this just a rough patch?” We might tell ourselves things like, “Life is hard—of course I feel [depressed/anxious/out of control/alone]?” We might convince ourselves, “Once I get past this [work project/family event/relationship problem], I will be fine.” 

Sometimes it is just a rough patch. Sometimes anxiety or sadness or rage appropriately matches the moment. Sometimes our problems are purely situational. 

Photo by Jens Lelie on Unsplash

But when the rough patch turns into a series of rough patches—or when the stressful situation finally does pass, and we’re still not okay—it’s time to think broadly about what it means to be mentally healthy. 

Last time I wrote about what mental health is and why it matters. Today I’ll talk about when to take a closer look at yourself and when to ask for help.

When to take a closer look at your mental health

Distress tolerance varies person to person. Some people can’t pay attention to their needs until they’re completely undone. Others get alarmed with any new bodily symptom (see my post on health anxiety) or from sensing other people’s discomfort. Others are blissfully unaware of how their anxiety or substance use (for example) affects other people.

So while there’s no “right” moment to worry about yourself, here are some rules of thumb: it’s time to be concerned about your mental health if your anxiety, moods, habits, or relationships with other people are:

• interfering with your quality of life or ability to function

• causing distress in other people around you

• causing emotional symptoms like preoccupying worry, nervousness, moodiness, sadness, hopelessness, or loss of interest in things you normally enjoy

• causing cognitive symptoms such as catastrophization, generalization, forgetfulness, difficulty with word finding or working memory, thoughts of self-harm 

• causing behavioral symptoms like anger problems, acting out, risk-taking, binge- or restrictive eating, overusing food, alcohol or other substances to self-soothe

• causing physical symptoms such as fatigue, insomnia, weight fluctuations, heart palpitations, chest pain, gastrointestinal distress, muscle tension, headaches

Take, for example, the patient I wrote about in part I of this series. The root cause of her physical complaints and abnormal lab tests was debilitating anxiety. The combination of worry and poor self-care had conspired to make her sick. When she realized that her anxiety was negatively affecting her health, she admitted that “powering through” was not an appropriate response to her situation. 

What to do when your mental health is faltering 

Attempting to sum up “How to Fix Your Mental Health” is a fool’s errand. There is no one-size-fits all prescription for better mental health. Where one person with addiction needs AA, another needs a divorce. Where one person’s anxiety would improve with Zoloft, another would benefit from mindfulness techniques and adequate nutrition. Where one person’s depression might lift with grief counseling, another might need a consult with their doctor about hormone replacement therapy.

That said, I think that appropriately addressing our own mental health requires a number of key ingredients:

• Permission to be human and the grace to love ourselves, imperfections and all

• Awareness of how we avoid/numb/pretend we’re exempt from two universal emotions: fear and shame

• Humility about what we do not know about ourselves

• Courage to allow ourselves to be loved and accepted for who we are

• Strength to admit our flaws and areas for growth 

• Wisdom to know the difference between what we must accept and what we can change

• Hope for a better tomorrow 

Take Elaine, who wrote this in the comments section of my recent post:

Note Elaine’s important realization that she needed more support for her mental health—despite her efforts to exercise, meditate, and stay sober. The combination of her husband’s wisdom plus a hefty dose of humility allowed Elaine to accept the help she needed. 

Upshot

Whether the path forward for you is pharmacological, psychotherapeutic, behavioral, or interpersonal; whether the root cause of your problems is the product of genetics, brain chemistry, or a tough situation, the process of improved mental health includes awareness of the facts of our story (plus the stories we tell ourselves), acceptance of things we cannot control, and agency over the areas we can change. 

There’s no shortcut for that. 

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Disclaimer: The views expressed here are entirely my own. They do not reflect those of my employer, nor are they a substitute for advice from your personal physician.