Redefine “Self-Care”
Are you ever secretly glad to discover a long line of shoppers ahead of you in the supermarket checkout line? Are you ever elated to have a good reason to fondle glossy magazine pages full of celebrities and recipes for summer salads? Are you ever disappointed when, engulfed in a story about some Hollywood starlet’s love life, you realize it’s your bananas’ turn to totter down the conveyor belt toward the cash register?
I am.
Apparently all I needed yesterday was five good minutes leafing through People magazine, perusing celebrity fashion picks from the MTV Movie & TV awards, to escape the laundry list of to-dos that were ping-ponging through my head.
It was a welcome pause on a harried day—a needed break from my noisy brain. And it made me think: We all need a little space. We all need a little time. We also all need Snoop Dog’s recipe for mango salsa.
In short, we all need a little self-care.
On the heels of a hectic, Omicron-laden, logistically laborious end-of-school season, it’s time to carve out time and space to meet our basic biological needs. Particularly on this special day of Juneteenth, pausing to reflect on our health and humanity feels right and good and long overdue.
We have been through a lot over the last 28 months. Heck, the last couple of decades haven’t exactly been a picnic for many of us. We’ve lost loved ones, jobs, and important contours of regular life. In the Omicron era, we’ve been forced to manage more COVID infections and our own expectations about life with a virus that, unfortunately, will be woven into the fabric of everyday life, adding to the myriad other threats to our health and well-being.
We must accept the unpleasant reality that we'll never be done with COVID while we continue to protect ourselves, our families, and our communities from the virus. Many people are talking about “normalcy” when nothing about life right now feels “normal.” None of this is easy. How could it be?
Which is why self-care matters more than ever.
But first, let’s acknowledge that the word “self-care” has become a modern buzzword—one that’s a wee bit overused and that also can be semi-annoying. After all, it’s not exactly easy or realistic to miss work, find childcare, or even have the brain space for “me time.” And even if checking into a day spa is in your budget, you might find yourself mentally running through your to-do list with cucumbers perched on your eyeballs.
We need more than a vaccine and a vacation to be healthy. We need more than a booster and a bubble bath to get ourselves back on track.
So let’s pause and ask ourselves for a quick minute: What does it even mean to be healthy?
As I said to one of my longstanding patients last week at her check-up: To me, health is about more than the sum total of your lab results. It’s more than your cholesterol and your weight. It’s about the 364 days a year you’re not in my office—and being armed with information, tools, and practical guidance to face the inevitable risks we face. It’s about treating root causes and not merely symptoms. It’s about connecting the dots between our thoughts and feelings to our everyday habits behaviors. It’s about building a team of trusted advisors to help care for our mental and physical health together.
More importantly, being healthy doesn’t have to be fancy or expensive. In fact, honesty, self-awareness, and a willingness to make changes in our lives is completely free. Your “team” doesn’t have to include paid professionals; it can be the combination of apps (like Reframe to help you manage your relationship with alcohol and Calm to help with mindfulness). It can consist of a therapist, a loyal pup, a yoga instructor, a set of girlfriends, AA or overeaters anonymous, and/or your doctor—none or all together—to give you the structure and support you need. Indeed tackling the various challenges to our everyday health and well-being often requires asking for help.
But first, we must start with SELF.
We need to redefine self-care as time and space to ponder our basic needs—and, ultimately, to meet them.
For the last 28 months, self-care has been about avoiding COVID. Now it’s time to recognize our broad health and human needs beyond simply preventing COVID.
We can start by assessing four non-negotiables for health: our need for restful and adequate sleep; regular, sustainable movement; nutritious and routine meals; and meaningful social connections. When our brains and bodies are rested, fed, active and connected, we’re better equipped to manage the stress of everyday life.
In other words, self-care doesn’t have to be fancy or formal. I made this mnemonic device to remember these four buckets: STEM.
S = Sleeping. Most humans need 7-9 hours each night. (I can hear you say "HA!") Our brains and bodies simply cannot function without rest.
T = Talking. To loved ones, a friend, a therapist if you have one, or to the wall if your family is sick of listening. Externalize the contents of that busy brain. Tell your story.
E = Eating. We need protein, fiber, healthy fats, and whole grains. Satiety helps calm a noisy brain and keeps us from mindless grazing. Experience it! Stop the cleansing and fad diets, and try your best not to skip meals.
M = Moving. Walk outside, stretch, practice yoga, dance wildly to loud music and embarrass your kids. Whatever you need to connect with your body, do it.
As we head into summer, I’ll ask you: How could you better meet each of these four basic needs? You can ponder this question in line at the supermarket, in bed staring at the ceiling tiles, or by just taking a moment right now. Not all of us have the luxury of meeting these needs, but if you’re able to plant the seeds (and the STEM) in your proverbial garden, you’re growing a foundation for better health from the ground up.
On this note, my podcast guest tonight is my dear friend Abby Greensfelder. Abby is the founder and CEO of Everywoman Studios, a female-run media company telling women-centric stories with social impact—including that of the U.S. Women National Soccer Team’s historic fight for equal pay. Her newest movie LFG (Let's F'ing Go) is all about this team’s journey. It gave me goose bumps! Abby is also the genius behind some of the most popular shows on TV today—from TLC’s Say Yes to the Dress to Bravo’s The Real Housewives of DC.
Abby is about more than mere professional success. Like me and most people I know, she has struggled with self-doubt and fear of failure. Yet when she was instructed to prematurely end her maternity leave and return to a grueling work schedule as a new mom, she took a chance on herself. The next day, she took the first step toward co-founding her own media production company. And it paid off.
In this episode of Beyond the Prescription (released at 7 pm tonight!), I talk with Abby about risk-taking, trusting our intuition, and believing in ourselves. She also talks about finding “sacred spaces” for rest and reflection. That, to me, is an essential part of self-care.
Listen to Abby’s remarkable story on Apple, Spotify or wherever you find your podcasts! If you enjoy this episode, I hope you'll subscribe and stay tuned for more. Oh, and please rate and review!!! Thank you, dear readers, for your ongoing support and love. It means more to me than you know!
I will see you next week. Until then, be well.