Six Tips for Getting the Most Out of Your Doctor Appointments
Six Tips for Getting the Most Out of Your Doctor Appointments
A strong patient-doctor relationship is the birthplace of health
ICYMI 👉
I recently went in for my annual checkup, and I was quickly reminded how humbling it is to be a patient. As much as I respect and admire my doctor, I think we can agree that going to the doctor isn’t on anyone’s list of “favorite things.”
Doctors are frequently rushed and stressed. The patient role is inherently vulnerable. (Who feels “empowered” sitting in a medical exam room, half-naked, a little chilly, and alone?) As a result, interactions with medical professionals can feel impersonal and cold.
But cultivating a good working relationship with your doctor is crucial for your health. Having your doctor understand you as a person is as important as their expertise and clinical judgment. Similarly, on the patient side, trusting your doctor is as important as the advice she/he is dispensing.
But how can you possibly trust your doctor—regardless of their credentials and expertise—when you feel hurried, dismissed or judged?
Let me debunk some myths about doctors (and the way we think) to optimize your experience as a patient. The goal is to help you come away from your appointments with an improved sense of agency over your health. Here is my advice on how to get the most out of your doctor’s appointments and build a relationship—or a better relationship—with your doctor.
Remember these 6 things:
Your doctor is not a moral authority. Everyone gets embarrassed. Everyone carries shame. So when I sense that a patient is withholding information they might be ashamed to admit (such as how much alcohol they consume or how long they’ve put off their colonoscopy), I am quick to remind them: I am not here to judge you. In fact, doctors are human, too. Sometimes we drink too much wine and skip our colonoscopies, too! The best way for your doctor to help you is to know the raw and honest truth. (If your doctor is judging you, it may be time for a new one!)
Your job is not to please, charm, or entertain your doctor. Of course, kindness toward your doctor is always welcome! But as a recovering people-pleaser myself, I feel badly for patients who spend precious time in their appointment trying to make me happy. I want patients to know that they are safe with me—and that it’s okay not to ask me about me or flatter me. The appointment is the time to focus on their issues. (If your doctor tends to use up precious appointment time to soothe their own egos, vent, or over-discuss their own lives, it also might be time for a new doctor.)
Don’t underestimate the power of kindness. It is not your job to worry about your doctor. Nor is it appropriate to minimize your complaints in order to protect your doctor from overwhelm. That said, doctors have feelings, too. Simply acknowledging to your doctor that you appreciate the challenges of being in healthcare right now can go a long way toward building mutual respect. Or saying thank you at the end of a visit. Simple acts of kindness and empathy go a long way!
You are entitled to be a hot mess. I think patients often assume they need to put on their best or most stoic face in the doctor’s office. Last week I opened the conversation with one of my patients by asking, “How’s life these days?” She burst into tears. As I handed her a tissue box and put my hand on her shoulder, she started profusely apologizing, explaining why this was a particularly hard day, but that she is not normally so tearful. I gently reminded her that an apology or explanation wasn’t necessary and that I was glad she felt comfortable enough to be emotional with me. In fact, her authenticity allowed us to address some challenging parts of her health that we probably wouldn't have accessed had she come in “on her best behavior.” Patients should come as they are, emotions and all!
You are entitled to a follow-up appointment. I love it when patients bring lists. It helps us stay organized and on task. The problem is that we can’t always cover every issue within the confines of a single appointment. So, instead of rushing patients, I remind them that I'd rather get through 3-5 health concerns—and handle them thoroughly—than rush through their entire list in a single sitting. Making a follow-up appointment—sometimes by telehealth—is a great way to make sure your questions have been answered. Rome wasn’t built in a day, either!
Most importantly, you cannot “win” your doctor’s appointment. Of course, doctors are delighted when you follow our advice. We feel gratified when you’ve improved your habits and your symptoms improve. But we aren’t keeping score. We know that people with the purest intentions can have difficulty with execution. We understand that life happens. So instead of overpromising to your doctor how you can and cannot change, be realistic. Doctors can only help patients when they are willing and able to be honest about the limitations of their actual life.
Ultimately, health isn’t about pleasing your doctor or achieving a fixed outcome; it is about gathering facts, tools and actionable information to navigate the 364 days per year you’re not in the doctor’s office. It’s about understanding where you can flex and where you must cede control. It is a lifelong process that requires facts, courage, truth-telling and non-judgmental guidance.
A strong patient-doctor relationship is the birthplace of health. Building that relationship is an investment in your long-term health.
What have you learned about the patient-doctor relationship, and how it can hurt or help you? I welcome your thoughts and advice!
Disclaimer: The views expressed here are entirely my own. They do not reflect those of my employer, nor are they a substitute for advice from your personal physician.
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As usual, Dr. McBride, you are right on, inviting,encouraging and engaging as well as informative. I would like to add one more way to enhance one's medical appointment.
Go with an open mind, be curious and want to learn in order to enrich your own life. Essentially you are in charge of your own health and the more you know, intellectually and emotionally, the better prepared you are enhance your health and healthy behaviors and attitudes. ellen sirkis
I appreciate the post. My primary care physician retired and I have a new doctor. The first meeting went very well, I likee him, but he was leery of refilling my PRN Klonopin prescription for acute stress. I didn’t push the issue -- I still had plenty and I use them sparingly (1 - 3 tablets per month, depending on how work is going in cybersecurity). However, I’m girding myself for my next follow up appointment. My refill record should be adequate proof that i am not abusing it. I don’t want to have to establish a relationship with a psychiatrist simply to get an anxiolytic prescription refilled twice a year. I’m going with kindly request that he refill my prescription, and if he refuses, express my displeasure with kindness. The question though for me is whether I will continue with this doctor. The drug is legal, and I’ve been using it for years, I know the risks, and it works for me. I’m already ticked off that I’m worried about having to gird up for this conversation.