Hang In There
MEDICAL AND MENTAL HEALTH UPDATE
Let’s face it. The school reopening situation is the PITS.
Let’s also acknowledge that there are NO winners here. Whether your school is opening fully in-person, in a hybrid approach, or completely remote, everyone is losing out.
Why, you might ask, am I rubbing lemon juice into your open wound?
I’m simply commiserating. Because I completely get it. Not only am I a doctor (including for a number of teachers and school administrators), I’m also a mother of three teenagers (pictured here) who desperately want their lives back. And mama wants the same.
I've also had the privilege of serving on the reopening task forces for some DC area schools since the spring.
And let me assure you: no one is happy about the situation.
Perhaps like my patient who is choosing between taking a drug with unpleasant side effects versus a life with a chronic illness, both options STINK. We are weighing BAD against WORSE. There’s no trap door, option C, or magic unicorn to ride away on.
As my friend Meghan Leahey, parenting expert and Washington Post columnist, said to me, “We are choosing between dog shit and cat shit.”
OK, folks, if you're still with me on this depressing little ditty, let's break down the misery.
Parents:
Oooooof. Right. If school is fully remote, you’re already picturing little Johnny popping into your Zoom meeting with your new boss. Or frantically juggling your household responsibilities while trying to homeschool your children. Or worrying about your teen’s mental health as they shutter themselves in their rooms on screens all day. And if your kids are going to school in person, there's anxiety over them getting sick, infecting other people, or dying. There’s also extreme sadness, disappointment, and frustration that life for our kids isn’t what we expected or wanted.
Teachers:
You are suffering, too. You’re caught in a battle you never signed up for or even imagined. You are reworking curricula and creatively imagining how to reach students over a computer screen. The turmoil of the summer and uncertainty of the upcoming fall has been traumatizing. For the teachers I know, educating kids is more than a job; it’s a calling. If school is remote, teachers are deprived of doing what they love. And if school is open, many will go to work fearing for their lives.
School Administrators:
This is one of the tougher jobs I could imagine during the pandemic. I have never been more impressed with a group of people than I have this summer working with area school leaders. Safety and health, science and data, physical and emotional health factors have been considered and re-considered in a complex and ever-changing landscape. You want so badly for schools to run as usual. You are working harder than ever. Yet whatever decision you make, people will be upset.
School nurses, facilities engineers, and staff:
Also heroes who never wanted to be, you have worked tirelessly all summer studying emerging data on viral transmission, prevention, and testing; creating safety protocols; and communicating with naturally anxious parents. You've been stretched and pulled and challenged beyond measure.
Kids:
School is all that you know. It’s your foundation, your core, your bedrock. It’s where you learn to read and write and, perhaps more importantly, where you develop friendships, your identity, and your own ideas. It’s where you are mentored and surrounded by people who are different from you. It’s where you grow. For so many of you, school also provides needed food, shelter, and safety. I do think we grownups may underestimate the devastation, loss, and mental health consequences that you guys will continue to experience with schools closed. In general, I think we tend to overvalue things we can easily quantify like viral transmission and death rates—and we tend to undervalue less measurable phenomena like loneliness, depression, and anxiety, which nevertheless have consequences for our physical health and general wellness.
The upshot?
Remember that no matter who you are in the school ecosystem, we are suffering together. We are dealing with an unpleasant and tragic reality that no one wants. And as tempting as it is to blame, shame, and judge people for the situation we are in, take a pause first.
To grownups: Schools administrators, teachers, and staff are not the problem. Parents are not the problem. The coronavirus is. Let’s be kind to each other. And let’s demand coordinated national leadership, widespread testing, and compliance with the science-backed methods of slowing community spread. Let’s keep doing our part every single day—and support our school leadership during this challenging time—so that schools can open safely. We all want the same thing.
To kids: You guys are more resilient than us grownups. We are fighting and blaming and shaming. You can do better than us. You are the generation of listening over talking, understanding over assuming, and making peace over fighting. But also remember to ask for help. You can’t always do it alone. No one can. So when you need extra help with math or you are feeling anxious or alone, talk to your parents, your doctor, your teacher, or your school counselor. It’s a crazy time, and it’s normal to need added support.
To my own kids: We will get through this. Mama doesn’t always behave in ways she is proud of later—man, do I have a potty mouth—but I believe in you and know we will come out of this stronger as a family. Also, please walk the dog!!
To myself: Breathe. Turn off your phone. Look the kids in the eyes and listen. Take a walk (with the dog who may or may not have been walked). Repeat.
Join me Friday at 12:30 ET on Instagram Live with adolescent medicine physician Dr. Hina Talib to discuss these BACK TO SCHOOL (or not) issues further.
And in the meantime, for a sprinkling of optimism, here is my interview with Dr. Clay Ackerly last week about COVID-19 and HOPE. It’s there, so take a listen!
I will check in later in the week. Until then, be well.