Practice Radical Acceptance
MEDICAL AND MENTAL HEALTH UPDATE
OK, team. It’s story time.
THIS IS A STORY OF HOPE, HEALTH, and HEALING.
My patient Donna checked in with me this week. Her story gives me strength and hope (and is the reason I love my job), and when I told her so, she encouraged me to share it.
Over the past year, she has done a BOATLOAD of hard work and is now the healthiest I’ve ever seen her.
Donna has struggled her whole adult life with body image, her relationship with food, self-esteem, and anger issues. But it was only when she started regular therapy a year ago that she realized these issues directly stem from a sexual assault when she was a teen.
In fact, she had buried this experience SO deeply inside her that she wasn't even AWARE it had happened. Until last year. It was only when she accepted professional help and felt safe that she was able to identify the root cause of her chronic physical and emotional symptoms.
It turns out she had been carrying fear, shame, and physical insecurity for 40 years. And despite being a successful professional, mother, and wife, these deep-seated issues were affecting her daily thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and, ultimately, her health.
Today she is well.
Donna reminds me that when we LEAN INTO pain instead of fighting it, when we FEEL unpleasant feelings instead of numbing them, and ASK FOR HELP instead of muscling through, miracles CAN happen.
Particularly right now, I think we can all use reminders that change is possible, hope is alive, and we are a HELL of a lot healthier when we address our emotional health head-on.
So let’s acknowledge on this Friday night that YES, we are in the MIDST of ongoing trauma—no matter who you are or what your situation. And then let’s take a page from Donna’s book and try something new this weekend, together.
It’s called RADICAL ACCEPTANCE.
HUH?
Radical acceptance is about facing uncomfortable feelings and acknowledging unpleasant realities, NO MATTER HOW PAINFUL OR HARD.
(Of course traumas vary widely in type and degree and can manifest themselves in different ways depending on the person, but let’s agree that some basic principles apply to any trauma, “big” or “small.”)
For example, if you learned this week that your kid’s school is going 100% virtual until January, perhaps you felt some of these (maybe even all at once):
anger
confusion
helplessness
anxiety
frustration
…and you may have had the urge to cope in unhealthy ways (binge eating or drinking, blaming your spouse—my personal fave) to PUSH AWAY, CONTROL, or NUMB these feelings.
These actions, while they might feel GREAT in the moment, ultimately serve to bury the discomfort and essentially kick the emotional can down the road.
The mathematical model here is: PAIN + NON-ACCEPTANCE = SUFFERING.
The healthier alternative? Radical acceptance.
It’s about:
Acknowledging our emotions. We have a whole wide RANGE of emotions, and sometimes we may feel angry when the “root” emotion is actually fear. NAMING emotions can help us direct our attention to the appropriate place.
Using tools to help tolerate the present moment. Examples: breathing exercises, mediation, journaling, walking outside, among other things.
Letting go and not fighting against an unpleasant reality.
Understanding what we can and cannot control in life.
To be clear, radical acceptance is NOT:
agreeing with a painful reality.
giving up, throwing in the towel, admitting defeat.
judging situations or emotions as “good” or “bad.”
ignoring or denying a situation.
denying your thoughts, feelings, or needs.
What are the keys to getting started? All you need is an open mind.
At the end of the day, acceptance helps us get through life. And right now we happen to have a BEVY of stacked unpleasant truths we’re being forced to accept.
I hope this weekend you can find a little bit of peace, quiet, and brain space to PONDER what to let go of. See if you feel lighter. And maybe a little healthier.
I will see you next week. Until then, be well.