How to Care For Your Body with Kindness & Respect

Part 2 of Radical Body Acceptance

Dec 04, 2023

ICYMI 👉

Today is a short post for anyone who needs a body pep-talk. Please share it widely.

Last week I presented a guest post from my psychotherapist colleague and friend Ann Jacob Smith, PhD, LCPC, about The Radical Practice of Body Acceptance. Your comments were great. They reflect what I hear in my office (and sometimes in my own head): that diet culture often has a cruel hold on people’s body image, often at the expense of their health.

Unsurprisingly, I also received a handful of public and private messages from readers who expressed concern that body acceptance can do harm. Specifically, they fear that someone they love who decides to accept their larger body is setting themselves up for cardiovascular disease, diabetes, and other medical problems.

These comments highlight a key point (and a big reason why this is a two-part series): that body acceptance isn’t an endpoint—it’s the starting point. It allows us to stop beating ourselves up and to begin from a point of realism, not idealism. It gives us permission to be human. It reminds us we are not failures. Self-acceptance is necessary for health, whereas shame undermines it. And, most importantly, body size does not universally equal health.

painting of bird — Photo by Crawford Jolly on Unsplash

There is no doubt that obesity carries the potential for weight-related medical problems—and that a physician’s job is to help patients prevent disease. Indeed! But health is not defined as a “normal” BMI. You can have an elevated BMI and be perfectly healthy; you can have a low BMI and be unhealthy. You can have physical, emotional, and behavioral health problems at any weight. Moreover, self-acceptance and striving to be healthy are not mutually exclusive.

Most of my patients with obesity have experienced the kind of shame-based messaging from the media and their own community to have internalized a level of self-criticism that only harms their ability to be healthy. In my 20+ years of caring for patients with obesity, I’ve found that a dose of self-compassion goes a long way toward helping patients implement healthy habits.

So to anyone who thinks that policing or judging another person’s body is somehow productive or motivating: just stop. Love shouldn’t be conditional. Acceptance shouldn’t hinge on body size.

Moreover, acceptance isn’t the same as complacency. On the contrary, it is about taking care of your body without judgment or punishment. A wonderful feature of human beings is that we can hold two thoughts at once!

So today is part TWO of my friend Ann Jacob Smith, PhD’s post. (Part ONE is here.) Below are her practical tips on how to care for your body with kindness and respect.

Eat foods that make you feel nourished rather than virtuous.

Eat regular meals and snacks, make sure you are eating enough, and include a wide variety of flavors and textures. You should never feel deprived, as restriction of any type inevitably can lead to anxiety, irritability, binge eating, and an unhealthy relationship with food. Eating should not be attached to guilt or rigid rules.

Make movement enjoyable.

If you enjoy what you are doing, you will be more likely to do it consistently. Doing any exercise with regularity is far healthier and leads to fewer injuries than sporadic fitness binges or marathon-level training. Movement should be a reward for your body, not a punishment.

Reject perfectionism.

The tendency to hold oneself to unattainable standards has led to staggering rates of depression, anxiety, and eating disorders. So stop looking for what’s wrong with your body and appearance and focus instead on what your body does – and you do – well. Do your best to stop scrutinizing pictures of yourself looking for the flaws and instead focus on how you felt when the picture was taken.

Find ways to feel good in the body you have.

Learn to find pleasure in your body. Soaking in a long bath or shower, getting a massage, floating in a pool or covering yourself in your favorite scented lotion are all ways to please both your body and senses. Learn to be mindful of the body you have and just be present in your body. Appreciate the “skin you are in”, rather than focusing on what you dislike about your body. Your body works hard for you everyday - try to give it a little love and appreciation.

Finally (and you knew it was coming) reduce your social media consumption.

Mental health has taken a nosedive since the advent of social media. Studies indicate that the rates of eating disorders among teenage girls soared with the birth of social media. We are addicted to our phones, and we know it isn’t healthy. There are abundant apps available to help parents set limits for their children’s social media. Pick your favorite and sign up – for your kids if you have them and also for yourself!

If you can’t quit scrolling, pare down your media feed until you only see things that bring you joy and laughter, teach you something new, or pique your curiosity. You could also follow individuals in the “body positivity” movement (like Virginia Sole-Smith) who offer anti-diet messaging about bodies in all shapes and sizes. Stay away from “body improvement” posts that set the negative self-talk train in motion. And remember – almost every photo you see has been “enhanced” by using filters and most likely photoshop.

For the skeptics out there, I assure you losing those extra 10 pounds will not cure self-loathing or soothe emotional pain. In my 29 years of seeing patients with disordered eating, I hear just as much — if not more — body image suffering from clients who are considered to be an “ideal weight” as I do from individuals in larger bodies.

Focusing on your weight as a means to happiness is a modern-day myth. Learn to accept and love your body, just as you are. Imagine all the precious time, effort, and money we might save when we stop chasing an airbrushed “ideal” — and when bodies and appearance no longer provide social capital. Of the million balls we juggle daily, wouldn't this particular ball be a major relief to drop?

Please don’t waste your precious time obsessing about a perfect body and invest in something far more important: your relationship with yourself.

- Ann Jacob Smith, PhD

A final note from me:

Our bodies aren’t mannequins or collectables on a display shelf; they are our workhorses. They wrangle pets, rake leaves, and hoist kids into carseats. They care for family members and friends. They haul boxes between apartments and houses. They cook and clean and do laundry. They work before they ever “workout.” In short, they are the vehicles that carry us through life and we owe them kindness and good care.

Please don’t waste your precious time obsessing about a perfect body and invest in something far more important: your relationship with yourself.

As always, I welcome your feedback and comments.

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