Is Aging Bad for You?
The anti-aging industry needs a rebrand. ⏰
ICYMI 👉
It seems to me that the anti-aging industry—and the basic tenet underlying it (that Aging Is Bad)—needs a rebrand.
The concept of “anti-aging” makes little sense to me. As a doctor, I witness the ravages of the aging process on my patients’ bodies and minds. As a middle aged woman myself, I can’t help notice the effects of gravity on my sagging rear end. On the flip side, I find that my older patients possess a perspective and wisdom that doesn't come in a pill. And even though I’m not that old (51), I relish the hard-won feeling of caring less and less about what other people think of me (or my rear end).
I understand one’s desire to limit the negative impacts of the aging process. With age comes an increased risk for cancer, heart disease, and dementia, among other medical problems, as well as the declines in everything from skin tone to muscle mass. It’s normal to want to prevent death and disease and a droopy rear end—even if not in that order.
But what about the positive impacts of aging? What about the wisdom that comes only with time? What about self-awareness that grows only through life experiences and cannot be bought on the internet? What about the fact that experiencing grief or medical illness—as difficult as these experiences are—can deliver us a newfound perspective on life and longevity that in and of itself can improve one’s health?
A patient once told me that her breast cancer saved her life. How so? Getting cancer reminded her about mortality enough so that she got sober, lost 50 pounds, and became a more nurturing mother. All of that (plus her cancer treatment) keeps her healthy today.
In other words, if you’re on the anti-aging bandwagon, are you also “anti-wisdom”? “Anti-self-awareness”? “Anti-life-process”? I’m guessing it’s a no.
A new paradigm
Which is why I’d like to propose a new paradigm: one where we thoughtfully inhabit the body we are in by accepting the elements of aging that we cannot change while working on the elements we can control.
To be clear: this is different from “Aging Gracefully” or even “Aging Well” because not everyone has the luxury of being happier or healthier each year. This is also not a pitch to “Love the Skin You're In” because you don’t actually have to love your skin in order to accept it.
Instead, I’m arguing to reframe the aging process as one that:
isn’t inherently all bad
offers opportunities for growth and improved health
moves the locus of control from an external set of unrealistic societal and self-inflicted expectations to an internal process of self-awareness and discovery.
ARE YOU IN?
If you’re already reaching for the Retinol, I get it. This alternative frame on the aging process is hard. It requires work, introspection, guidance, and time. Who has time?? The hardest parts of this frame are:
Knowing the difference between what you can and cannot control about aging. (This requires access to data, not just marketing.)
Knowing who to trust. (Your fitness instructor? Doctor? Facialist?)
Knowing where to allocate your time, energy and resources toward the process of getting older. (What face cream or health hack has the highest ROI?)
Knowing what to do next. (Schedule a massage? Annual checkup? Trip to Sephora?)
Which is why the anti-aging industry is so alluring. It has made the decision for us! It knows what we want! In fact, it knows us better than we do!! It proposes a singular enemy (aging) and a singular goal (to combat the effects of it, no matter what it takes!) Its message is clear: COMBAT ALL OF IT with vigilance and vengeance. Keep purchasing products. Keep fighting the clock. Miracles happen to Julia Roberts! THEY CAN HAPPEN TO YOU, TOO!
(Note that this ad was banned because it was so misleading.)
Fighting the aging process is messaged as courageous and brave. But what is courageous about chasing a moving goal post? What is brave about battling an inevitable process like getting old? Moreover, given that the alternative to aging is death, isn’t aging what we want?
Let’s be clear: the anti-aging business model hinges on the fact that you are never done. The fact that you get older every second of the day means that fighting aging is something you will never succeed at. You will always be a victim of not-enough-ism. Preying on our insecurities is a brilliant marketing scheme! So, instead of being manipulated by external forces and your harsh inner critic…
Here’s my basic advice on aging
Ask yourself the following questions:
On acceptance: Can you liberate some brain space, time, or financial resources that are being spent trying to control the uncontrollable? For example, my patient who is trying to exercise his way out of having age-related high blood pressure runs the risk of tearing up his knees in an effort to outrun a natural consequence of stiffening arteries. Of course physical activity is important for his health; so is understanding the limitations of his effort in order to consciously reallocate precious brain space toward areas where he has more control.
On working on things you can control: Are there aspects of your health that you know would improve your health but you haven’t yet prioritized? Maybe this summer it’s time to start practicing yoga? Get sober? Schedule your mammogram or colonoscopy? Once you ditch the mental load of trying to control the uncontrollable, you’ll free up some real estate in your brain to get basic stuff done for your health (think: eat lunch, get more sleep, be kind to yourself, etc).
On clarifying your reasons for being alive: It’s important to intentionally choose what you want and don’t want to prioritize. Peter Attia would have you doing cold water plunges, daily high-intensity workouts and meditations, and optimizing every aspect of your health. All of that is fine and good and Peter Attia is not wrong. But just because you can doesn’t mean you should. It’s an act of self-love to understand your WHY well enough to say no to some things and yes to others. Give yourself some grace. Optimization without knowing your WHY can negatively affect your health.
On truth and data collection: Where are you getting your medical facts? How do you know you can trust the purveyors of the messages you’re getting about slowing the aging process? Might you hold certain beliefs about health and the aging process that warrant fact-checking?
On trust: Who in your life do you trust the most? What is it that allows you to trust a certain person, media outlet or brand for specific advice on aging?
On reality: What’s the best use of your time: an extra hour of sleep or an hour at the gym? Is your face cream worth the price? Are you expending too much mental energy on your appearance/cardiovascular health/memory despite getting reassurance about all?
On barriers to change: What is the barrier between you and making some changes in your health and life to age smarter? Is it fear of bad medical news? Shame at not succeeding? Peer pressure? Lack of access to a sound relationship with a doctor? Doubt that you can feel and be healthier?
On the best next step: Know that there is no perfect next step. It’s up to you. The good news is that while you sit there paralyzed on what to do next, you’re becoming wiser with each passing minute, whether you know it or not.
(P.S. For more specific advice on healthy aging (i.e., living), click here.)
What aspects of aging are you determined to fight? What aspects have you accepted? I’m all ears!
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Disclaimer: The views expressed here are my own and are not a substitute for advice from your personal physician.
Your thoughtful and intelligent insight on aging hit home. I’m 67 and in excellent physical health. I don’t miss any of my checkups, tests, etc. In my late 50’s I was obsessed by the lines on my face, especially around my mouth. So I went to my dermatologist and she injected Botox for the creases in my forehead and some other injectable around my mouth. Ooh, looks good, I thought, until it didn’t. I wanted to look like me, not someone else, so I stopped after 2 years. I can actually move my mouth, laugh while the lines around my eyes scrunch up, and scowl with my forehead lines!
As the lines around my mouth deepen i am still bothered by them but trying to accept them. It’s difficult for women, especially, due to our culture of beauty which is impossible to meet.
I am thrilled to wake up grateful for life and love everyday. I have had many heartaches and celebrations in my life. All of my experiences have allowed me to become wiser, kinder and more vocal. Haha! The one thing I love about aging is that I’m not afraid to speak up or state what I want. Freeing!
Always look forward to your wisdom😊
I’m 55, I want to age like Paul Newman. 😁 I don’t mind the gray hair, the wrinkles, etc. I’m with you about not fighting the aging process. But I am trying to find the line between age-related physical limitations and how hard I can push past those. Physical activity and exercise has been part of my “identity,” so I’m hoping my growing wisdom can teach me to know when to throttle back without throwing in the towel.