Your thoughtful and intelligent insight on aging hit home. I’m 67 and in excellent physical health. I don’t miss any of my checkups, tests, etc. In my late 50’s I was obsessed by the lines on my face, especially around my mouth. So I went to my dermatologist and she injected Botox for the creases in my forehead and some other injectable around my mouth. Ooh, looks good, I thought, until it didn’t. I wanted to look like me, not someone else, so I stopped after 2 years. I can actually move my mouth, laugh while the lines around my eyes scrunch up, and scowl with my forehead lines!
As the lines around my mouth deepen i am still bothered by them but trying to accept them. It’s difficult for women, especially, due to our culture of beauty which is impossible to meet.
I am thrilled to wake up grateful for life and love everyday. I have had many heartaches and celebrations in my life. All of my experiences have allowed me to become wiser, kinder and more vocal. Haha! The one thing I love about aging is that I’m not afraid to speak up or state what I want. Freeing!
I’m 55, I want to age like Paul Newman. 😁 I don’t mind the gray hair, the wrinkles, etc. I’m with you about not fighting the aging process. But I am trying to find the line between age-related physical limitations and how hard I can push past those. Physical activity and exercise has been part of my “identity,” so I’m hoping my growing wisdom can teach me to know when to throttle back without throwing in the towel.
Exactly! Knowing when to lean in versus pull back on healthy habits can be tricky... Of course exercise is so important for health, but so is rest and moderation :)
Teriffic post. Your basic idea of controlling and working on what we can control and accepting that there's other stuff we cannot change is a great philosophy for life in general. At 78, my competition is with myself, not the rest of the world. Based on family history, I should have another 10 to 20 years. We all know muscle mass and bone density decline with age but are important if we want to be able to perform ADLs in our 80s or later and keep ourselves out of a nursing home. So that's why I do what I do - mostly swimming and strength training 5 or 6 times per week. People like Attia have definitely motivated me but he and others get way too much in the weeds so as an old favorite song says, "just take what you need and leave the rest".
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This post is very timely for me. My mom has worked in the beauty industry her whole career. She was just visiting this weekend and trying to push a bunch of creams and serums on me. She is so concerned about how she looks that she has overlooked other aspects of health: she isn’t even 70 yet and she struggles to walk at a moderate pace or even go up/down a few steps. It makes me want to scream: you’re been focusing on the wrong things! (<— why I’m not a health care professional) But as you say, a big part of it is clarifying reasons for being alive. Her reasons are different from mine. I just really, really dislike the beauty industry and the so-called empowerment it sells.
I hear you. I feel sad for those who get caught up in the extreme and impossible standards of the beauty industry. I also empathize with you for seeing it up close and with someone you love :)
You are a wise woman, and with each second you become wiser and wiser. :) Thank you, Dr. Lucy McBride, for this, your as-usual excellent advice. I'm a Gender Equity Educator (giving in-person-only presentations) who's reminded of the late-great American writer Susan Sontag's (1933-2004) excellent observation in the 1970s: "It does not take someone in the throes of advanced feminist awareness to perceive that the way women are taught to be involved with beauty encourages narcissism, reinforces dependence and immaturity." Your Substack post today encourages me to re-consider creating my own Substack account to deliver feminist wisdom (such as your own) to deserving readers. Thanks. ~Roxana D.
Wow that is high praise. To have helped someone think more deeply about feminist (and other types of) wisdom is exactly why I am here. Thank you, Roxana. I look forward to your writing.
I often wonder how you have acquired such abundant wisdom in only 51 years! I mean it.! I would like you to consider adding a 6th anti-aging activity to your list. My experience continues to inform me that one of the best ways to feel vibrant, alive,productive, and valued (call it selfish if you wish but I do not believe true altruism exists) is to really show up for someone else. Be present, listen, lean in to your compassionate self and do something (even something small) to assist another human being.There is no question that you get more than you give, so it's a win /win.
There’s a lot of beauty and faith in this very American approach to life . I suppose it’s based on the ideas of deep and brilliant thinkers like William James or Emerson. Therefore we love America and her relentless optimism and courage. The blessings and contribution of the American thought to human happiness are too many to count.
But as it often might happen to great ideas - they get robbed from their depth and wisdom and turn into vulgar and not very helpful cliches, in this case - into partly ignorant partly idiotic belief in self help slogans like ‘be the person you want to become’, concepts like ‘growth mindset’ and so on. So people keep on running around busy about their microbiome, Peter Attia’s cold showers, morning rituals, full of trust in their ‘locus of control’ and limitless influence over Nature. Of course in no time they get ill or old and die, but who cares? So the perpetum mobile of human folly keeps turning, the anti aging creams, the Peter Attia an Huberman advanced science of how to sleep, how to brush your teeth and how to fart to insure longevity welness and eternal happiness.
As to investing too much attention and money in beauty treatments - I wouldn’t rush into judgement on this one, for I personally know a few old bags, pardon my French, that are still totally into sex, and therefore wisely choose bottox over colonoscopy.
You are so very right. The thing is that the civilization is moving forward with great speed, without looking back.Therefore I don’t believe that the virtues of wisdom, experience, peace of mind and a philosophical view of human life and death, have a chance to stand their ground in the windy face of time blowing hard into the future. And by the way, between me and you, most of the elderly I happened to meet over the years, didn’t get any wiser but rather the opposite - interests narrowed,health becomes demanding and anxiety provoking, IQ slides down, memory goes foggy, the understanding of current affairs in technology is very modest.You get my point - the wise great grandma is not about to come back. So how do we frame this? Where all in a hurry. Time is running out. Our time. We don’t even stop to smell the roses, leave alone an old lady with a diaper . And we love beauty and energy and clear and brilliant minds. And we feel so for a reason. We live in a world in which main accomplishment and pride of the Medicine is to keep people alive as long as possible, even when those people are with half - witted, sunk in the excrements of their diapers, too confused to read or to understand or to care about anything but themselves. When was it that the natural human life span didnt get over 40? Ok I’ll be large with you, let’s make it 60. But now we have moved way over that. People nowdays more and more often make it to 100. Needless to say - It’s a very particular existence (the diapers, the dementia, the aches and pains, the hard physical, emotional and financial burden on their loved ones). But if we return to our discussion - how can you reframe these rather dark facts? By language laundering? Facts remain facts.
Of course cold showers could bring a strong vibe of salvation to this grim point in human life. Personally I totally decided to go for it, but with the only condition that Peter Attia himself will keep me company and scrub my back with a natural sponge made of aglae collected from the river Chad. More than this - to lift everyones mood after my pessimistic tirade, I’m willing to let Huberman to join Peter and myself for a nice frozen shower threesome. I’m positive that it’ll make you all guys happy, optimistic and fresh like a bundle of spring onions.
And don’t envy your lucky sister, - I can always land you Huberman, (who’s real good with the ladies,) to give you foot massage and inform you about the latest supplements in Stanford’s gim juice bar.
I also want to say that although I appreciate my face cream, I’ll never get Botox because it impacts our ability to empathize with other people. When we can’t move our facial muscles, we actually have a more difficult time telling what someone else is feeling! I overheard a NICU nurse saying she was scheduling Botox one time and I wanted to tell her No! Please! These babies need your facial expressions! Same goes for our kids and grandkids.
Thank you for this very thoughtful and important article. The term 'anti-aging" amuses me no end. It's like saying I am anti-breathing or anti-any of the physiological characteristics of being given the gift of life and consciousness. The problem arises from seeing time as linear: with a direction that defines past and present. This is a construct of the thinking mind which, though practical, only queers the pitch. There is only the present moment. In the words of Albert Camus, "The Four Conditions of Happiness: Life in the open air, Love for another being,Freedom from ambition, Creation." You will never age. I turn 73 this weekend and have no ambitions for longevity.
Thank you, Lucy, for your always helpful and reasonable insight. I've tried, to a greater or lesser degree, to practice good health habits for exercising, diet, and sleep, but realized 18 years ago that my job, requiring an hour commute each way, was rapidly wearing me down. I had no time or energy to exercise, something I've never liked anyway, but knew I needed to change that. So when my financial advisor said I was good to retire, even though I was only 60, I jumped at the chance to make some changes. My role model was the wife of one of my Dad's colleagues who had practiced yoga her whole adult life and she lived to 100, only dying several years ago. So 18 years ago I picked a smaller medical gym that offered yoga. With several breaks for acute and chronic medical issues, , I've practiced cardio and yoga two days a week, and cardio and strength training two days a week, also adding several daily PT exercises to my regimen. Diet is a continuing work in progress to minimize wine, beer, and sweets, but I try not to be too overbearing about it. I work closely with my PCP, bless his patient heart, to manage several potentially problematic issues and make sure I stay up to date on all preventive testing. Here's to aging and being grateful for every day. :)
Great post! I would love to hear more about how to differentiate age related high BP from one I can control. I really thought regular cardio 4-5 days per week would help mine come down and help me stop the medication and it hasn’t. I still do it because it feels good, I know it’s good for me, I like listening to music, etc. But this is the first I’ve heard that sometimes it’s not something you can “control.”
Your thoughtful and intelligent insight on aging hit home. I’m 67 and in excellent physical health. I don’t miss any of my checkups, tests, etc. In my late 50’s I was obsessed by the lines on my face, especially around my mouth. So I went to my dermatologist and she injected Botox for the creases in my forehead and some other injectable around my mouth. Ooh, looks good, I thought, until it didn’t. I wanted to look like me, not someone else, so I stopped after 2 years. I can actually move my mouth, laugh while the lines around my eyes scrunch up, and scowl with my forehead lines!
As the lines around my mouth deepen i am still bothered by them but trying to accept them. It’s difficult for women, especially, due to our culture of beauty which is impossible to meet.
I am thrilled to wake up grateful for life and love everyday. I have had many heartaches and celebrations in my life. All of my experiences have allowed me to become wiser, kinder and more vocal. Haha! The one thing I love about aging is that I’m not afraid to speak up or state what I want. Freeing!
Always look forward to your wisdom😊
I hear you loud and clear, Elaine! Acceptance is, I think, the hardest work we do as human beings. :)
I am inspired by your wisdom and gratitude!
Love this
I’m 55, I want to age like Paul Newman. 😁 I don’t mind the gray hair, the wrinkles, etc. I’m with you about not fighting the aging process. But I am trying to find the line between age-related physical limitations and how hard I can push past those. Physical activity and exercise has been part of my “identity,” so I’m hoping my growing wisdom can teach me to know when to throttle back without throwing in the towel.
Exactly! Knowing when to lean in versus pull back on healthy habits can be tricky... Of course exercise is so important for health, but so is rest and moderation :)
Love it
Teriffic post. Your basic idea of controlling and working on what we can control and accepting that there's other stuff we cannot change is a great philosophy for life in general. At 78, my competition is with myself, not the rest of the world. Based on family history, I should have another 10 to 20 years. We all know muscle mass and bone density decline with age but are important if we want to be able to perform ADLs in our 80s or later and keep ourselves out of a nursing home. So that's why I do what I do - mostly swimming and strength training 5 or 6 times per week. People like Attia have definitely motivated me but he and others get way too much in the weeds so as an old favorite song says, "just take what you need and leave the rest".
Love it!!
I believe someone is falsely using your ID based on a second reply allegedly from you giving me advice to earn weekly, contact lernys trading platform. Would suggest you change password. I can't copy what I got but hopefully you can see in this string
This post is very timely for me. My mom has worked in the beauty industry her whole career. She was just visiting this weekend and trying to push a bunch of creams and serums on me. She is so concerned about how she looks that she has overlooked other aspects of health: she isn’t even 70 yet and she struggles to walk at a moderate pace or even go up/down a few steps. It makes me want to scream: you’re been focusing on the wrong things! (<— why I’m not a health care professional) But as you say, a big part of it is clarifying reasons for being alive. Her reasons are different from mine. I just really, really dislike the beauty industry and the so-called empowerment it sells.
I hear you. I feel sad for those who get caught up in the extreme and impossible standards of the beauty industry. I also empathize with you for seeing it up close and with someone you love :)
You are a wise woman, and with each second you become wiser and wiser. :) Thank you, Dr. Lucy McBride, for this, your as-usual excellent advice. I'm a Gender Equity Educator (giving in-person-only presentations) who's reminded of the late-great American writer Susan Sontag's (1933-2004) excellent observation in the 1970s: "It does not take someone in the throes of advanced feminist awareness to perceive that the way women are taught to be involved with beauty encourages narcissism, reinforces dependence and immaturity." Your Substack post today encourages me to re-consider creating my own Substack account to deliver feminist wisdom (such as your own) to deserving readers. Thanks. ~Roxana D.
Wow that is high praise. To have helped someone think more deeply about feminist (and other types of) wisdom is exactly why I am here. Thank you, Roxana. I look forward to your writing.
This is one of your best posts! I’m saving and sharing this one. Thank you.
Thanks, Laurie! Please do share it widely. :)
Love your advice. Thank you.
One of your best! I’m sharing it on Facebook “for anyone of any age.”
Thank you! I appreciate you sharing it widely!
Shared on myFacebook page. Always excellent advice from you! Now to post on my bedroom mirror.
Haha! Thank you, Suzette!
Food for thought:
Getting old SUCKS!
Not getting old sucks more!
I often wonder how you have acquired such abundant wisdom in only 51 years! I mean it.! I would like you to consider adding a 6th anti-aging activity to your list. My experience continues to inform me that one of the best ways to feel vibrant, alive,productive, and valued (call it selfish if you wish but I do not believe true altruism exists) is to really show up for someone else. Be present, listen, lean in to your compassionate self and do something (even something small) to assist another human being.There is no question that you get more than you give, so it's a win /win.
Your loyal and very appreciative fan,
Ellen M. Sirkis
I think you are spot on, Ellen!! And a wise woman yourself!
There’s a lot of beauty and faith in this very American approach to life . I suppose it’s based on the ideas of deep and brilliant thinkers like William James or Emerson. Therefore we love America and her relentless optimism and courage. The blessings and contribution of the American thought to human happiness are too many to count.
But as it often might happen to great ideas - they get robbed from their depth and wisdom and turn into vulgar and not very helpful cliches, in this case - into partly ignorant partly idiotic belief in self help slogans like ‘be the person you want to become’, concepts like ‘growth mindset’ and so on. So people keep on running around busy about their microbiome, Peter Attia’s cold showers, morning rituals, full of trust in their ‘locus of control’ and limitless influence over Nature. Of course in no time they get ill or old and die, but who cares? So the perpetum mobile of human folly keeps turning, the anti aging creams, the Peter Attia an Huberman advanced science of how to sleep, how to brush your teeth and how to fart to insure longevity welness and eternal happiness.
As to investing too much attention and money in beauty treatments - I wouldn’t rush into judgement on this one, for I personally know a few old bags, pardon my French, that are still totally into sex, and therefore wisely choose bottox over colonoscopy.
Love this.
Note that I, for one, place zero judgement on ppl who choose to get botox (I do it myself) or who prioritize "optimization" at all costs.
In my humble opinion, t's the framing on aging - not the decision on what to do about it - that needs to change - bien tot!
You are so very right. The thing is that the civilization is moving forward with great speed, without looking back.Therefore I don’t believe that the virtues of wisdom, experience, peace of mind and a philosophical view of human life and death, have a chance to stand their ground in the windy face of time blowing hard into the future. And by the way, between me and you, most of the elderly I happened to meet over the years, didn’t get any wiser but rather the opposite - interests narrowed,health becomes demanding and anxiety provoking, IQ slides down, memory goes foggy, the understanding of current affairs in technology is very modest.You get my point - the wise great grandma is not about to come back. So how do we frame this? Where all in a hurry. Time is running out. Our time. We don’t even stop to smell the roses, leave alone an old lady with a diaper . And we love beauty and energy and clear and brilliant minds. And we feel so for a reason. We live in a world in which main accomplishment and pride of the Medicine is to keep people alive as long as possible, even when those people are with half - witted, sunk in the excrements of their diapers, too confused to read or to understand or to care about anything but themselves. When was it that the natural human life span didnt get over 40? Ok I’ll be large with you, let’s make it 60. But now we have moved way over that. People nowdays more and more often make it to 100. Needless to say - It’s a very particular existence (the diapers, the dementia, the aches and pains, the hard physical, emotional and financial burden on their loved ones). But if we return to our discussion - how can you reframe these rather dark facts? By language laundering? Facts remain facts.
Of course cold showers could bring a strong vibe of salvation to this grim point in human life. Personally I totally decided to go for it, but with the only condition that Peter Attia himself will keep me company and scrub my back with a natural sponge made of aglae collected from the river Chad. More than this - to lift everyones mood after my pessimistic tirade, I’m willing to let Huberman to join Peter and myself for a nice frozen shower threesome. I’m positive that it’ll make you all guys happy, optimistic and fresh like a bundle of spring onions.
And don’t envy your lucky sister, - I can always land you Huberman, (who’s real good with the ladies,) to give you foot massage and inform you about the latest supplements in Stanford’s gim juice bar.
love all of this
yes and yes
👏
I also want to say that although I appreciate my face cream, I’ll never get Botox because it impacts our ability to empathize with other people. When we can’t move our facial muscles, we actually have a more difficult time telling what someone else is feeling! I overheard a NICU nurse saying she was scheduling Botox one time and I wanted to tell her No! Please! These babies need your facial expressions! Same goes for our kids and grandkids.
Thank you for this very thoughtful and important article. The term 'anti-aging" amuses me no end. It's like saying I am anti-breathing or anti-any of the physiological characteristics of being given the gift of life and consciousness. The problem arises from seeing time as linear: with a direction that defines past and present. This is a construct of the thinking mind which, though practical, only queers the pitch. There is only the present moment. In the words of Albert Camus, "The Four Conditions of Happiness: Life in the open air, Love for another being,Freedom from ambition, Creation." You will never age. I turn 73 this weekend and have no ambitions for longevity.
Thank you, Lucy, for your always helpful and reasonable insight. I've tried, to a greater or lesser degree, to practice good health habits for exercising, diet, and sleep, but realized 18 years ago that my job, requiring an hour commute each way, was rapidly wearing me down. I had no time or energy to exercise, something I've never liked anyway, but knew I needed to change that. So when my financial advisor said I was good to retire, even though I was only 60, I jumped at the chance to make some changes. My role model was the wife of one of my Dad's colleagues who had practiced yoga her whole adult life and she lived to 100, only dying several years ago. So 18 years ago I picked a smaller medical gym that offered yoga. With several breaks for acute and chronic medical issues, , I've practiced cardio and yoga two days a week, and cardio and strength training two days a week, also adding several daily PT exercises to my regimen. Diet is a continuing work in progress to minimize wine, beer, and sweets, but I try not to be too overbearing about it. I work closely with my PCP, bless his patient heart, to manage several potentially problematic issues and make sure I stay up to date on all preventive testing. Here's to aging and being grateful for every day. :)
Great post! I would love to hear more about how to differentiate age related high BP from one I can control. I really thought regular cardio 4-5 days per week would help mine come down and help me stop the medication and it hasn’t. I still do it because it feels good, I know it’s good for me, I like listening to music, etc. But this is the first I’ve heard that sometimes it’s not something you can “control.”