It's Okay to Not be Okay

Let’s be REAL about New Year’s Resolutions

ICYMI 👉

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January 1 is full of big aspirations and the resolve to “be better.” Many of us set lofty goals to lose weight/quit drinking/exercise more, while knowing full well that we’ll likely end up slogging through the next few weeks in our usual haphazard fashion. 

My advice? Before making promises to yourself, take stock of what’s realistic and sustainable, first.

As much as we’d love the New Year to usher in oodles of newfound time, brain space, and magical motivation to get healthier, for most of us life only gets more complicated with each new year. Despite our best intentions, we end up defaulting to our factory settings. 

Why? Because we’re human. And because changing our habits usually isn’t fun. It also isn’t quick, and it rarely involves a simple “fix.” Let’s be real: Changing an everyday behavior is the hardest work we do. 

So, to get from point A to point B, I suggest that we first resolve to stop moralizing our less-than-ideal health habits to halt the cycle of shame and self-loathing. 

Let’s also remember that the precious resources of time, energy, and money are finite. So, the key question is how should you realistically allocate those resources to be healthier? Should you assign some brain space to a low-carb diet or simply to eating a good lunch? Should you spend energy on building muscle at the gym or a new relationship via a dating app? Should you spend money on an exercise class or weekly psychotherapy?

To me, truth and realism have never mattered more than on January 1.

Let’s reframe the question of How can I be healthier in 2024? to What does it mean to be healthy in the first place? .. and then How can I be a little more okay tomorrow than I am today?

I’ll start with my own definition of health:

Health is about awareness of your medical facts, acceptance of the things you cannot control, and agency over what you can change.

Health is more than our cholesterol and weight. It’s not defined by our colonoscopy or COVID test. Health is not an outcome; it’s a lifelong process that requires facts, courage, truth-telling and guidance. Health is about how we feel, think, and behave as we move through our everyday life. It’s about access to information and appropriate guidance. It’s about accepting fixed, harsh realities and reclaiming agency in areas we can control. It’s about the 364 days of the year we’re not in the doctor’s office. 

Health is also about adding structure and support where we need it the most. To achieve real and lasting behavioral change, we must set ourselves up for success. First: 

• Take stock of your brain space.

• Be honest about your external stressors.

• Manage your expectations.

• Celebrate the wins, no matter how small.

For many of us, the journey to better health starts with simply trying to meet our basic biological needs— the four non-negotiables for health (aka “STEM”):

• S = Sleep. Our brains and bodies can’t function without rest. Most humans need 7-9 hours. Prioritize it.

• T = Talk. To loved ones, friends, a therapist if you have one. Externalize your internal world. Tell your story.

• E = Eat. We need protein, fiber, healthy fats, and whole grains. Satiety on a regular cadence is critical for our bodies and brains. Experience it.

• M = Move. Walk, stretch, dance wildly to loud music in your underwear. Whatever you need to connect with your body, just do it.

Remember that getting healthy doesn’t have to be fancy or formal. Your support team doesn’t have to include paid professionals (think: the Reframe app to maintain Dry January, the Calm app for mindfulness, 4-7-8 breathing for sleep, walking with your pup for exercise). 

You also might include some trial periods to figure out what works: For example, you might not vow to exercise every day if you’ve never liked exercise in the first place. Instead, you might decide to first test-drive various exercise types during the month of January in order to figure out what floats your boat, first. Or you might decide that you won’t have a glass of wine at home, but you will have one glass if you go out to dinner with friends. 

As we dive into 2024, rather that a stack of resolutions, ask yourself: 

• How could I better meet each of my  four basic STEM needs? 

• How can I plant the seeds—the STEM for my proverbial garden—to grow a sturdy foundation for health?

The upshot: It’s okay to not be okay. We’ve been through a lot, not just in 2023 but for quite some time. So let’s give ourselves the space, time, and latitude to ponder what matters—and what’s best for each of us, and then figure out what comes next.

Disclaimer: The views expressed here are entirely my own. They do not reflect those of my employer, nor are they a substitute for advice from your personal physician.