Helping people know they are acknowledged has become my purpose in life - people matter regardless of their story!
Also - meeting our own needs really enforces the learning I’ve had thru Process Communication and this is motivating me to use my trainer certification and help more people. It’s a communication model with good science/data behind it and it works to help our own perceptions and communication with others.
This is so important. And I 100% agree that our modern life has made us more disconnected than ever. I think that’s why I’m so drawn to news stories about communal living.
As a stereotypical eldest daughter, I feel like I matter to others in the sense that I bring “dependable one” and “competent one” energy wherever I go. But the downside of that kind of mattering is feeling like I’m valued only for what I do, not simply who I am. It’s something I’m working on. But I’m sharing in case others feel the same way so you know you’re not alone.
I struggle with feeling I matter. At almost 78, I look back at my life and ask myself this question often. It feeds my sadness about my life.
A few years ago, my sister gave me a subscription to StoryWorth for my birthday. I found it to be too painful an exercise to reflect back on my life answering the weekly questions. Then I got behind and felt guilty and unproductive about that. I have a loving, caring family, a husband I've been with for 55 years, and great friends. This should be enough to feel that I matter, right?
Hi Judith - Thank you for sharing this. Sometimes having friends and loved ones isn't enough to feel you matter. This is the kind of thing seeing a good therapist or coach or other objective ally could help you sort out - maybe even your primary care doc if they are good - because I that feeling can be a sign of clinical depression or dysthymia (and I wouldn't want to miss that if you were my friend or loved one). The distinction between feeling low self worth and a clinical diagnosis can be subtle but matters a lot. Sending well wishes you you. xx Lucy
My father once said to me, "I am so busy doing nothing." I thought about that, and soon after retiring from work - I describe myself as a "Recovering attorney," with full allusion to AA - I expanded upon my father's words with "...of importance or significance," totally tongue in cheek. People who know me well know that I am sarcastic and that I can both dish it out and take it (Must be the many years of being in ice hockey locker rooms as a "porous," adult goalie who loved the game and not the score). While relatively true compared to my 34+ years as an attorney for one of the 50 greatest states, I do still matter to family members, a number of friends and their pets, acquaintances, my spouse, birds and animals I feed, and myself. While I no longer earn a living, I do matter as noted. At 78 YO, I still donate my O negative blood as much as possible and practical because I know I am a universal donor and my blood can and probably does save lives. I volunteer to help friends and other members of my immediate community and beyond. I don't think about whether I matter; I know I do, even if it is only to a small group of people. I also coached youth ice hockey and flag football for several years and ran an adult hockey program for 30+ years. From comments from players I coached and played in the programs I ran, I know my philosophy of coaching and of fair and safe play had an effect far beyond those I coached, who coached with me, and who played in programs under my leadership. As I look back, in a small way I mattered, still do, and probably will to people who will never know me or how much, and neither will I. As a counter to Robert Frost's "The Road Not Taken," mine is the road that was taken, and it, too, "...has made all the difference."
Helping people know they are acknowledged has become my purpose in life - people matter regardless of their story!
Also - meeting our own needs really enforces the learning I’ve had thru Process Communication and this is motivating me to use my trainer certification and help more people. It’s a communication model with good science/data behind it and it works to help our own perceptions and communication with others.
I love this, Dawn!
What a wonderful purpose in life -- to make people you meet know they matter.
This is so important. And I 100% agree that our modern life has made us more disconnected than ever. I think that’s why I’m so drawn to news stories about communal living.
As a stereotypical eldest daughter, I feel like I matter to others in the sense that I bring “dependable one” and “competent one” energy wherever I go. But the downside of that kind of mattering is feeling like I’m valued only for what I do, not simply who I am. It’s something I’m working on. But I’m sharing in case others feel the same way so you know you’re not alone.
Tamara I think this is so relatable - we want to being valued for who we are, not just what you do. Thank you for naming it.
Thank you for sharing this, Tamara. I have a whole chapter in my book on the idea of Mattering Too Much. I think it will resonate with you.
The pursuit of mattering can influence our identity; it can become the story of who we are. I look forward to reading this important book.
You will love Jennie's book!
Thank you so much, Susan. I couldn't agree more!
I struggle with feeling I matter. At almost 78, I look back at my life and ask myself this question often. It feeds my sadness about my life.
A few years ago, my sister gave me a subscription to StoryWorth for my birthday. I found it to be too painful an exercise to reflect back on my life answering the weekly questions. Then I got behind and felt guilty and unproductive about that. I have a loving, caring family, a husband I've been with for 55 years, and great friends. This should be enough to feel that I matter, right?
Hi Judith - Thank you for sharing this. Sometimes having friends and loved ones isn't enough to feel you matter. This is the kind of thing seeing a good therapist or coach or other objective ally could help you sort out - maybe even your primary care doc if they are good - because I that feeling can be a sign of clinical depression or dysthymia (and I wouldn't want to miss that if you were my friend or loved one). The distinction between feeling low self worth and a clinical diagnosis can be subtle but matters a lot. Sending well wishes you you. xx Lucy
My father once said to me, "I am so busy doing nothing." I thought about that, and soon after retiring from work - I describe myself as a "Recovering attorney," with full allusion to AA - I expanded upon my father's words with "...of importance or significance," totally tongue in cheek. People who know me well know that I am sarcastic and that I can both dish it out and take it (Must be the many years of being in ice hockey locker rooms as a "porous," adult goalie who loved the game and not the score). While relatively true compared to my 34+ years as an attorney for one of the 50 greatest states, I do still matter to family members, a number of friends and their pets, acquaintances, my spouse, birds and animals I feed, and myself. While I no longer earn a living, I do matter as noted. At 78 YO, I still donate my O negative blood as much as possible and practical because I know I am a universal donor and my blood can and probably does save lives. I volunteer to help friends and other members of my immediate community and beyond. I don't think about whether I matter; I know I do, even if it is only to a small group of people. I also coached youth ice hockey and flag football for several years and ran an adult hockey program for 30+ years. From comments from players I coached and played in the programs I ran, I know my philosophy of coaching and of fair and safe play had an effect far beyond those I coached, who coached with me, and who played in programs under my leadership. As I look back, in a small way I mattered, still do, and probably will to people who will never know me or how much, and neither will I. As a counter to Robert Frost's "The Road Not Taken," mine is the road that was taken, and it, too, "...has made all the difference."
Hi fellow mattering writer! Let’s connect!😊
A wonderfully insightful conversation on an important topic. Thank you Dr. McBride and Jennifer Wallace. Thirty minutes well-spent!
Thank you Chase!! Glad you found it helpful!