How to Enjoy Thanksgiving Day Without Sacrificing Your Integrity or Losing Your $hit

3 Ideas to Optimize Your Health 🍁🍂✌️

Nov 26, 2024

ICYMI 👉

Anyone in need of a pre-holiday pep talk? 🍁

Sure, Thanksgiving is all about gratitude and human connection. But many of my patients report feeling uneasy in anticipation of Thursday. Holiday travel can be a doozy. Medical issues such as diabetes, hypertension, and alcoholism can be more difficult to manage in the presence of holiday buffets and being invited to have seconds.

There’s also the stress of awkward conversations about someone’s fertility or joblessness or choice of a life partner or permanent single status. Not to mention the politically provocative family member whose seat across the Thanksgiving table might trigger a migraine or just mess up your good time.

person holding table knife about to slice pancake — Photo by Element5 Digital on Unsplash

First, let’s acknowledge the elephant in the room: Letting go of things we cannot control (e.g., highway traffic, a chronic health problem, intrusive personal questions, or Uncle Jimmy’s political views) is hard work. It requires tolerance for distress. It can be enraging. It can invite grief, not only over the thing we’ve held onto—an ideal blood sugar or interpersonal relationship, for example—but over the loss of control itself.

Acceptance is a b*tch.

But without acceptance we cannot have agency. Trying to control something you cannot control wastes energy. It doesn’t do anyone any good. Take, for example, my patients who struggle with alcohol dependence. It’s only when they accept their powerlessness over alcohol and abandon the fantasy that “I’ll be fine with a few drinks on Thanksgiving” that they regain control over their health. Or, take my patients whose anxiety flares in the presence of certain family members. It’s only when they accept they cannot control the other person’s line of questioning/style of arguing/political persuasion and, instead, focus on what they can control—i.e., how they react to that person—that no one gets hurt.

Magical thinking, even if rooted in optimism, can do serious harm.

To be clear: acceptance is not the same as giving up. It is not about throwing in the towel. It is not about being a pushover or doormat. Acceptance is not passive; it is an active process of consciously reallocating limited time and energy toward the things we do have control over. Agency is, in fact, predicated on acceptance.

So, my advice to you (and to myself) is to take 5 minutes each morning over the next couple of days to set an intention for three aspects of your health: physical, emotional and spiritual health. Your body and mind will THANK YOU this Thanksgiving.

Here are some ideas:

Physical intentions

Maybe in your 5-minute morning intention session you decide to hit the gym twice this week. Maybe you recommit to sobriety. Maybe you plan ahead for how many desserts you’ll consume at Thanksgiving dinner, with the intent not to beat yourself up about it later. Maybe you vow to take your daily medication or do your home PT exercises. Maybe you will commit to finally scheduling your colonoscopy or mammogram or appointment with the cardiologist. Your body will thank you for being intentional about it.

Emotional intentions

Maybe you vow to be more mindful of others—to talk less and listen more. Maybe you commit to not discussing politics with your family or, at a minimum, to understanding someone else’s point of view. Maybe you make a plan to call a grieving friend on Thanksgiving day or check on a loved one or neighbor who might be feeling lonely. Maybe you practice your breathing exercises (remember the gift of 4-7-8 breathing?) Maybe you plan for some December self-care—for example, committing to an earlier bedtime or taking a month off alcohol—so you’ll wake up on New Year’s Day feeling refreshed, rather than remorseful. Maybe you commit simply to not being hard on yourself given the stressors of the season and plan to regroup in 2025. Regardless of your intentions, your mind will thank you for being intentional about it.

Spiritual intentions

For me, losing my younger brother in a car accident this summer was a sobering reminder of life’s fragility. While there is no silver lining to grief, I have found a certain peace in accepting the impermanence of everything. For some strange reason, reminding myself that nothing lasts forever—not love or laughter or sadness or grief—provides great comfort. The smile on a stranger’s face bears more meaning. The stars at night glow a little brighter. Do I still experience anxiety and despair? You bet. But it helps to know that feelings will pass, too.

So maybe you decide to dust off your journal, start a meditation routine, or get back into your spiritual practice. Maybe you vow to spend more time outdoors appreciating nature. Whatever you do to step back from your everyday worries and to tweak your routines will do you good. Your spirit will thank you.

Acceptance as a prerequisite

BUT FIRST, to set yourself up for success—that is, to enable yourself to execute on these goals—you must accept that you are human, and thus fallible, but also capable of giving yourself grace when you skip the gym and overindulge on pumpkin pie. Just try to celebrate the wins as they come. ✌️