It’s time to talk about you. I’ve been craving this conversation — just you and me — for a long time. (For 35 months, to be exact!) I started this newsletter in the panicked spring of 2020, thinking I’d dispense some COVID advice then promptly move on to the subjects I’ve been yearning to yak about for a decade: the universality of mental health; the relevance of our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors to our physical health and medical outcomes; and how to be a little more OKAY than you are today (given that no one is truly “okay”).
I went into the Christmas break with symptoms of burnout. I talked with my therapist about it and wondered if my PTSD makes me more scattered/brain-fogged and stressed, or the workload at my job truly is too high, or both. She encouraged me to consider what I can and can’t change. I’m no longer trying to define what’s causing the burnout but instead focusing on stress reduction. I am learning to notice my mindset and hold myself to a lower standard at work, which means letting others do things even if I know I can do it better, letting some tasks go, finding simpler ways to do things even if they’re different. I’ve always thought I was going these because I already say no to tasks, but I regularly hold myself to very high expectations and standards. It’s simply not sustainable or worthwhile. What has felt good that started in January (no resolutions, but simply because I had more time) is going out for a daily walk. Where I live, the sun sparkles on a blanket of snow. It’s beautiful and bitterly cold. I dress warm and take the dog out and feel refreshed. And I reward myself with a warm Epsom bath after.
I love your description of the sparkling sun on the snow.. and the notion of appreciating nature and simple pleasures. I also love that your therapist is talking about knowing the difference between what you can and cannot control. When you can do that well... that is the varsity team of health!
This is so true and inspiring. Having no resolutions for the year and simply focusing on few things gives broader perspective to instead of sticking to the list.
I also agree small things like taking a walk, having some kind of tea, decluttering from your phone/laptop and simply taking warm shower before night can help you feel physically & mentally good. I hope you are doing better now and I wish you all the best for future ❤️
Thank you. I like your list of ideas too. Maybe rather than a resolution list I’ll make a list to remind me of what feels good (in a healthy way) and turn to it often and especially if I find myself stuck again. I’ve only just returned to work so will have to watch myself not slipping back to past patterns. Best wishes to you.
To be Healthy is fluid for me the older I get. I love the reminder you share about it being more than our negative covid test or our cholesterol readings. The pandemic has changed us all in so many ways and emphasized medical health, which leaves me asking myself am I okay? I am okay! Even if I get sick. That’s my goal. To know that I am fortunate to have insurance and a family in town and supportive friends, so if I do have an illness or medical crisis I will not be alone in that journey. As we age there can be so much fear of illness and aging and change. All of these things are part of life. So, my definition includes my whole well being balancing Mentally, physically, emotionally, and in my community a feeling of wellness.
Health: to be able to do the things that are important to me without restrictions, such as take my dog for a walk, play on the floor with my grandkids, lift 2-3 kiddos up at a time, climb into the back seat to buckle them in, climb on a jungle gym, have my clothes fit, stand confidently on a stage for my keynote speeches and wake up every morning without aches/pains and go to a weight lifting class.
My mom had rheumatoid arthritis at my age and couldn’t do most of these things, then died from stroke complications. She’s my inspiration.
This is a great definition! Functionality, ability to lean into your interests and hobbies and maintain the strength and stability to do them. Nice way to lay it out for yourself!! Helpful for others, too.
"We did not measure minutes spent laughing or number of smiles as secondary outcomes while walking inefficiently. Smiling during the inefficient walking trials could not be observed due to participants’ mouths being obscured by the facemask worn during data collection. However, all participants were noticeably smiling upon removal of the facemask. Moreover, bursts of laughter from the participants were frequently noted by the supervising investigator, almost always when participants were engaging in the Teabag walk."
Firstly, I like the name of your newsletter. It makes me stop and do a self check every time I see it. That is a good thing. Secondly, I have a hard time with balance in my life and it reminds me that it is OK not to be OK with every single aspect of my life on a daily basis.
 it seems like I could never find total balance. I can diet but other things take a backseat like motivation! “ I don’t wanna exercise right now. I’m hungry” LOL!  This is only one example, but the one I’m dealing with right now is the most typical. When something happens to interrupt what I consider a good routine, I can’t find the ambition to continue or get back on the horse. We have had some pretty bad weather in northern California, causing us to have to relocate. That has affected eating habits, to do lists (they have been replaced with other must do’s), no “time” to exercise (I wouldn’t do it even if I had time), etc.  You get the idea… It’s about balance for me and thank you for reminding me to check myself!
Didn’t celebrate much as we were having a freezing wind and snow. Definition of health is being able to swim three times weekly and do exercises at home the other days. Stayed healthy throughout but was nearly depressed by the isolation. Live alone and exposed only when going to grocery or swimming pool. Had COVID vaccine twice and COVID at least one time. All at 91 and still living alone.
I am so empathetic about the loneliness during COVID. It was such a brutal and hard time for so many ... Humans are not designed to be isolated for 3 yrs. I am glad you had the vaccine and that you (hopefully!) did ok with COVID. I'd love to hear what topics you are interested in reading about here. And what wisdom you'd like to impart given your athleticism and fortitude at 91! That inspires me :)
Hey Lucy! Your title of the newsletter makes me genuinely ask myself if I am actually okay or just pretending to be okay. It gives me time to reflect on my well-being. I totally agree that January 1st is full of aspirations but by 9th of January we are back to our reality. I felt this personally as I am about to start a new semester at my university and after Christmas break, I feel like I am not ready for it or I need more time. I know it's the procrastination but it's so funny how I started the first week of January with full enthusiasm and energy but slowly I need to remind myself of the goals, plans and work for the future. Anywho, I absolutely loved this newsletter :)
You nailed it again this week. Not be okay and still moving is do important. I am trying acupuncture in addition to therapy, meds and STEM to help me live closer to my values than living from anxiety! It is helping me create space in my body for all of my feelings! Thank you for all your work and knowledge that you put into this newsletter and your podcast!
I appreciate that and yes - WE CAN WALK AND CHEW GUM AT THE SAME TIME. We can be "not okay" in one department and work on it ... while feeling pretty ok and maintain that strength in another area
#LivingMyBestLife is wonderful if it's true, but for most people social media is a highlight reel. Celebrating joy is of course healthy, but so is honesty and facing the hard parts of our lives - and coping with them as able. Thanks for your comment!
Really nice article. Especially the part about reclaiming agency resonates with me a lot. I went through something similar these past months, being stressed and looking for time and direction. Really proud to have turned it around, wrote about it on my Substack this week (https://roberturbaschek.substack.com/p/stress-happiness-and-motivation). Would be interested to hear your thoughts on it.
I went into the Christmas break with symptoms of burnout. I talked with my therapist about it and wondered if my PTSD makes me more scattered/brain-fogged and stressed, or the workload at my job truly is too high, or both. She encouraged me to consider what I can and can’t change. I’m no longer trying to define what’s causing the burnout but instead focusing on stress reduction. I am learning to notice my mindset and hold myself to a lower standard at work, which means letting others do things even if I know I can do it better, letting some tasks go, finding simpler ways to do things even if they’re different. I’ve always thought I was going these because I already say no to tasks, but I regularly hold myself to very high expectations and standards. It’s simply not sustainable or worthwhile. What has felt good that started in January (no resolutions, but simply because I had more time) is going out for a daily walk. Where I live, the sun sparkles on a blanket of snow. It’s beautiful and bitterly cold. I dress warm and take the dog out and feel refreshed. And I reward myself with a warm Epsom bath after.
I love your description of the sparkling sun on the snow.. and the notion of appreciating nature and simple pleasures. I also love that your therapist is talking about knowing the difference between what you can and cannot control. When you can do that well... that is the varsity team of health!
This is so true and inspiring. Having no resolutions for the year and simply focusing on few things gives broader perspective to instead of sticking to the list.
I also agree small things like taking a walk, having some kind of tea, decluttering from your phone/laptop and simply taking warm shower before night can help you feel physically & mentally good. I hope you are doing better now and I wish you all the best for future ❤️
Thank you. I like your list of ideas too. Maybe rather than a resolution list I’ll make a list to remind me of what feels good (in a healthy way) and turn to it often and especially if I find myself stuck again. I’ve only just returned to work so will have to watch myself not slipping back to past patterns. Best wishes to you.
To be Healthy is fluid for me the older I get. I love the reminder you share about it being more than our negative covid test or our cholesterol readings. The pandemic has changed us all in so many ways and emphasized medical health, which leaves me asking myself am I okay? I am okay! Even if I get sick. That’s my goal. To know that I am fortunate to have insurance and a family in town and supportive friends, so if I do have an illness or medical crisis I will not be alone in that journey. As we age there can be so much fear of illness and aging and change. All of these things are part of life. So, my definition includes my whole well being balancing Mentally, physically, emotionally, and in my community a feeling of wellness.
Sing it, sister! 🥰
Health: to be able to do the things that are important to me without restrictions, such as take my dog for a walk, play on the floor with my grandkids, lift 2-3 kiddos up at a time, climb into the back seat to buckle them in, climb on a jungle gym, have my clothes fit, stand confidently on a stage for my keynote speeches and wake up every morning without aches/pains and go to a weight lifting class.
My mom had rheumatoid arthritis at my age and couldn’t do most of these things, then died from stroke complications. She’s my inspiration.
This is a great definition! Functionality, ability to lean into your interests and hobbies and maintain the strength and stability to do them. Nice way to lay it out for yourself!! Helpful for others, too.
M: Also for Monty Python. The BMJ has proven the silly walk to have numerous benefits:
https://www.bmj.com/content/379/bmj-2022-072833
"We did not measure minutes spent laughing or number of smiles as secondary outcomes while walking inefficiently. Smiling during the inefficient walking trials could not be observed due to participants’ mouths being obscured by the facemask worn during data collection. However, all participants were noticeably smiling upon removal of the facemask. Moreover, bursts of laughter from the participants were frequently noted by the supervising investigator, almost always when participants were engaging in the Teabag walk."
Firstly, I like the name of your newsletter. It makes me stop and do a self check every time I see it. That is a good thing. Secondly, I have a hard time with balance in my life and it reminds me that it is OK not to be OK with every single aspect of my life on a daily basis.
 it seems like I could never find total balance. I can diet but other things take a backseat like motivation! “ I don’t wanna exercise right now. I’m hungry” LOL!  This is only one example, but the one I’m dealing with right now is the most typical. When something happens to interrupt what I consider a good routine, I can’t find the ambition to continue or get back on the horse. We have had some pretty bad weather in northern California, causing us to have to relocate. That has affected eating habits, to do lists (they have been replaced with other must do’s), no “time” to exercise (I wouldn’t do it even if I had time), etc.  You get the idea… It’s about balance for me and thank you for reminding me to check myself!
Thank you for sharing this! I think this is the point - to take stock, forgive ourselves, and keep going.
:)
Surely there is more to just obvious being sick, the environment/ atmosphere how they speak to me...but what matters the most is my response.
Didn’t celebrate much as we were having a freezing wind and snow. Definition of health is being able to swim three times weekly and do exercises at home the other days. Stayed healthy throughout but was nearly depressed by the isolation. Live alone and exposed only when going to grocery or swimming pool. Had COVID vaccine twice and COVID at least one time. All at 91 and still living alone.
I am so empathetic about the loneliness during COVID. It was such a brutal and hard time for so many ... Humans are not designed to be isolated for 3 yrs. I am glad you had the vaccine and that you (hopefully!) did ok with COVID. I'd love to hear what topics you are interested in reading about here. And what wisdom you'd like to impart given your athleticism and fortitude at 91! That inspires me :)
Dr Lucy:First saw you with ZDOGG and started following you. Loved your calm manner and problem analysis skills.
Parents were divorced when I was very young. Fathers had no rights so I grew up never knowing him. Have always felt abandoned but compensated well.
Studied engineering and did well. Always had interesting jobs.
Married at 21, four children. All successful. Nine grandchildren. One SIIDS at four weeks. One murdered at 24.
Prostate cancer surgery @ 71, no recurrence but devastating side effects.
Vitrecctomy, following retinal hemorrhage, and cataract surgery both eyes.
Cared for wife her last years. Many health issues, primarily heart and arteries. Life was much better with her.
Thank you for the kind words - and for sharing your story. :)
Hey Lucy! Your title of the newsletter makes me genuinely ask myself if I am actually okay or just pretending to be okay. It gives me time to reflect on my well-being. I totally agree that January 1st is full of aspirations but by 9th of January we are back to our reality. I felt this personally as I am about to start a new semester at my university and after Christmas break, I feel like I am not ready for it or I need more time. I know it's the procrastination but it's so funny how I started the first week of January with full enthusiasm and energy but slowly I need to remind myself of the goals, plans and work for the future. Anywho, I absolutely loved this newsletter :)
Thank you and I hear you loud and clear. The rubber meets the road for me with the Xmas tree hits the curb and reality rushes in!
You nailed it again this week. Not be okay and still moving is do important. I am trying acupuncture in addition to therapy, meds and STEM to help me live closer to my values than living from anxiety! It is helping me create space in my body for all of my feelings! Thank you for all your work and knowledge that you put into this newsletter and your podcast!
I appreciate that and yes - WE CAN WALK AND CHEW GUM AT THE SAME TIME. We can be "not okay" in one department and work on it ... while feeling pretty ok and maintain that strength in another area
... so thank you for sharing your goals and real self!
It’s very refreshing to hear about struggles and challenges as opposed to the Instagram-filtered ideal lives everyone promotes.
#LivingMyBestLife is wonderful if it's true, but for most people social media is a highlight reel. Celebrating joy is of course healthy, but so is honesty and facing the hard parts of our lives - and coping with them as able. Thanks for your comment!
Really nice article. Especially the part about reclaiming agency resonates with me a lot. I went through something similar these past months, being stressed and looking for time and direction. Really proud to have turned it around, wrote about it on my Substack this week (https://roberturbaschek.substack.com/p/stress-happiness-and-motivation). Would be interested to hear your thoughts on it.